Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Um, Did I say Demonrat?

In a recent speech, Bush apologized for a momentary slip in PC term adherence:

President Bush said Monday he wasn't trying to disparage the party now running Congress by referring to it as the "Democrat majority" _ as opposed to the "Democratic majority" _ in his State of the Union speech.

"That was an oversight," Bush said in an interview with National Public Radio. "I mean, I'm not trying to needle."

Bush's dropping of the "ic" at the end of the word prompted grumbling by Democrats that he purposely got their name wrong.

Yes, the Democrat Party is "democratic," sure. Just like Communists embrace capitalism, and Muhammad didn't gaze upon his pet camel with ardor.

Pretty pathetic when our president regrets such a "mistake."

Later, Bush said: "I'm not that good at pronouncing words anyway."

Wow, I nominate this admission for the "First Annual Misunderstatement Award."

When it comes to the English language, Bush uses the nook-yuh-luhr option.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Ant Bully

My wife and I watched this animated movie last night. It's hard not to be entertained by it, I must admit. The pros are: very good animation, excellent voice casting, and an interesting story with lots of action.

However (admit it, you saw it coming), I took issue with three aspects of the project:

1. Notwithstanding the "PG" rating, this was targeted to kids; yet it offers three or four crude episodes for your child's edification. It's amazing; we once had films that attained classic status, like Pinocchio and Snow White, with nary a flatulence joke, lovingly detailed vomit scene, or zoom-in shot of a brat digging in his nose with a grimy finger. But Walt Disney had nothing on the new breed of kiddie producer. Now, if a cartoon doesn't depict someone falling face-first into a cowpie, it's just not living up to its true potential. These modern filmmakers seem physically and psychologically incapable of omitting such references. We've come a long way, baby.

2. A major theme is the "animals are people, too," mantra we expect at PETA rallies or at Brahmin's Vegetarian Grocery. A kid in the flick is bullied by a neighborhood punk. The victim, in turn, tortures ants and destroys their nests. The two acts are portrayed as synonymous in nature and degree, which is absurd. In reality, ants are mindless, instinctively-driven organisms.

3. Now we've come to the worst part. Two characters compare and contrast human society with that of the ants. This is not a throwaway aside, but a major scene in the movie. The message conveyed is that ant society is superior to that of humans, and is something to which we should aspire.

Why is this problematic? It's disturbing because the ant civilization is a communistic one, with a bright, sunny face painted on it. In fact, the only facet that differs markedly from Communism is the ants' belief in a deity--who is, of course, a goddess. In every other respect, we have a sanitized, bowdlerized vision that would make Karl Marx cheer, in his best impression of Will Smith:

"Now, dass whut I'm tawkin' 'bout!"

Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Hebrew Shuffle

As most probably know, Jimmy Carter had a recent falling out with a long-time supporter over the thesis of his new book, Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid. Found in the book's preface, perhaps this poem sheds some illumination on the disagreement:

Too many Jews.
Too many Jews.
Too many Jews on Earth.

Too many Jews.
Right there in the news.
Why can't we have a dearth?

We find 'em in synagogues--
In Israel, too.
They infest the land of my birth.

They crash Bar Mitzvahs,
And Bat Mitzvahs, too.
Ya see 'em from Fresno to Perth.

We slice 'em and dice 'em
And grill 'em and kill 'em,
And give 'em the old bushwhack.

We punch 'em and crunch 'em
And bug 'em and slug 'em,
But still, they keep coming back.

They pillage the Mideast,
Turn peace into war.
For this, we send 'em some cash.

They harry the Gentiles
And drink Ayrab blood,
And the Pope cows under their lash.

They spread their contagion
Wherever they go.
They breed like house cats or fleas.

I jest can't wait till
Good Yahweh above
Sends us the cure for their disease.

They make all the movies
And show lots of boobies.
Bush is their marionette.

Each one should pass on
Like Marat or Saddam,
Or be thrown down a rank oubliette.

You may not approve,
But you dance to their tune.
The whole world is their dark demesne.

Let's fight 'em and spite 'em
And take to the streets.
Viva la bright guillotine!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Our Government Has Gone Insane

Soon we all can consider the Minutemen a domestic terror group:

An Arizona lawmaker has introduced a bill to revise the state's statutes on organized crime and fraud by defining "domestic terrorism" in such a way that members of the Minuteman Project or other border-patrol groups could be prosecuted and forced to serve a minimum six-month jail term.

The article includes a picture of the illustrious Arizona "lawmaker," and reveals that, though she may have the looks, someone else got the brains in the family.

Now, Sinema is targeting border-security groups like the Minutemen with new legislation that would define anyone not formally affiliated with law enforcement, who patrolled in search of illegal activity while armed, as a domestic terrorist. If it becomes law, the bill would impose a mandatory minimum jail sentence, even if prosecutors recommend probation.

HB 2286 reads:

Sec. 2. Title 13, chapter 23, Arizona Revised Statutes, is amended by adding section 13-2320, to read:

13-2320. Domestic terrorism; classification

A. An individual or group of individuals commits domestic terrorism if the individual or group of individuals are not affiliated with a local, state or federal law enforcement entity and associate with another individual or group of individuals as an organization, group, corporation or company for the purpose of patrolling to detect alleged illegal activity or to individually patrol for the purpose of detecting alleged illegal activity and if the individual or group of individuals is armed with a firearm or other weapon. . .

"I've been monitoring the Minutemen for a year now," Sinema told at the time, "and they're just scary."

"Race-based tactics always lead to violence," she insisted. "Remember, the Ku Klux Klan was the first-ever group to patrol the border between the U.S. and Mexico back in the '70s."

Which race do the Minutemen hate, Little Miss Clueless? Mexicans? Is "Mexican" a racial group? This is the typical "If you don't like illegal invasion of your country, you're a racist" argument. I don't know what scares me more: that some people are this stupid, or that American citizens are dumb enough to vote this bubblehead into office.

Here we have a complete redefinition of terms to fit a narrow agenda: that of making allowances for illegal immigration. Now people who love their country and want to protect it are terrorists. It's akin to saying right is left, up is down, black is white.

By the way, I hope none of my readers participate in Neighborhood Watch programs. If so, you fall under the classification of "domestic terrorist."


In other lunacy masquerading as news, Palestinkians have named a street in the "West Bank" after good ol' Saddumb--funded by the U.S. of A.

WND confirmed with local leaders the Yaabid street currently bears Saddam's name.

The Palestinian daily Al-Hayat al-Jadida stated the street's dedication was meant to emphasize the "values of Arabness and Jihad, which [Saddam] represented."

But USAID held a ceremony in July 2005 marking its contributions of $402,000 for paving the Yaabid municipality's main street – now named after Saddam – as well nearly two miles of inner streets. The American agency also contributed to the reconstruction of the city's main entrance.

Zacharias Zubeidi, leader of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades in Yaabid, told WND the city changed the name on the U.S.-funded street to show "Saddam Hussein is still alive."

"We will honor his memory until the American and Zionist occupation is driven from our land," Zubeidi said.

Saddam was considered a hero to most Palestinians. His final words prior to his hanging reportedly included "Palestine is Arab."

Celebrating the values of Arabness and Jihad: that's what America's all about. That these moral degenerates receive one red cent from American coffers is an atrocity. But what's worse is the government's indifference and that it's nothing new.

Maybe the next time someone mentions the Arab Street, they'll be referencing Saddumb Avenue.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

How Intimidating

I think this adequately illustrates our border "security."

Feline Transportation

A commenter at Vox's posted this:

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Play it Again

Having posted his little poem at Vox's, and still not quite liberated from his latest bout of narcissism, he scurried over to his own blog and tacked it up for all to read and admire. With a sigh, he shook his head in amazement at his wit, realizing that, were she alive today, Emily Dickinson would be nagging him for lessons in the fine art of stringing rhymes together.

He forthwith shut down his old pc and headed off to the acceptance dinner, where he graciously hoisted on high the trophy given him by the National Library of Poetry.

Pull that handle.
Rock the vote.
All aboard
the ferryboat.
Charon grins
and plies the Styx.
Say "Huzzah!"
for politics.

The only cure
for Adam's fall:
Vote GOP,
dear little thrall.

I'm tired of excess mental exertion.
Time for cranial rectum insertion.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Necktie-Party Etiquette

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Monday that executions of Saddam Hussein and two others were mishandled and said she hoped that those responsible for making cell phone videos of Saddam's execution will be punished.

"We were disappointed there was not greater dignity given to the accused under these circumstances," Rice said during a news conference with her Egyptian counterpart.

Is this a joke? Saddumb received approximately 1000% more dignity than any of his victims. How about the Kurds who choked on their own tongues and asphyxiated after a little gas treatment? Were their ends dignified? Or those who were beaten and tortured to death in his prisons? How about those lucky individuals blindfolded and tossed off roofs, to lie broken or dead on the pavement below? The epitome of dignity, huh? I wonder if Conyaleewza thinks the mass rapes--followed by discarding used-up women in holes in the ground--were proper terminations of life on Earth? Saddumb's execution was polite and genteel in comparison.

Rice also said the executions were Iraqi government decisions, not those of the United States.

"Let me just say that the decision concerning the execution of Saddam Hussein and the two defendants today were made according to Iraqi process and Iraqi law," she said.

I thought that was the whole point, Conyaleewza. All the bloodshed is for the benefit of the Iraqis, so they can rein in their people and govern as an independent country. Yet you use this very goal as a tool for criticizing Iraq and distancing the American government from the executions. Are we attempting to coalesce a post-Saddumb country that can take care of its own business without us, or not? Make up your mind.


Happy post-Martin Luther King, Junior's birthday!

I duly performed my obligations, this year. First, I made sure that any time I walked near a colorful person, I hung my head in shame at the audacity of being born pigmentally-challenged.

Next, I attended a "No Justice, No Peace" rally with Al Sharpton. It seems the local Dunkin' Donuts had a history of serving a disproportionate number of white powdered sugar donuts. That's a no-no, these days, and we put a stop to it, lickety-split. They may lose patronage, but it's chocolate all the way, bubba.

Afterwards, I gave a contribution to Je$$e Jack$on'$ new "Co$mic Injustice" program. The first proceeds go to the people of Darfur. I was disgusted at my demonic race when I learned that these downtrodden Africans are using guns to off each other manufactured by white people. And we've reserved additional funds for the Martian microbial families decimated in the orignal Viking landing. But only the black ones.

Finally, I publicly denounced my next-door neighbor as the local Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan. Of course, he really isn't; but he once told me a black joke, and that amounts to the same.

All in all, it was a great day.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

South American Gulag

President Hugo Chavez's announcement at this week's innaugaral ceremony of plans to create a network of "socialist cities" run by "people power" in Venezuela's unsettled interior has some critics concerned he is moving his country toward a Pol Pot-type system.

The anti-American leader told the Venezuelan national assembly that large tracts, each 38.6 square miles in size, would be developed as new egalitarian communities run without mayors or municipal governments.

"I invoke and summon the constituent power, the people's power, the real fuel, so that the engines I am talking about may lead us to a better future," he said at the swearing-in ceremony where he declared "the new era on the road to socialism."

"Those of you who want to know what type of socialism I have planned for Venezuela should read Marx and Lenin," he said.

Wow, who knew he'd be so open and direct about his murderous intentions? Subtle as a bullet in the brainpan. Marx advocated state control of business and the abolition of private property. Lenin put this delicate philosophy into practice in the October Revolution of 1917. Untold thousands died in the beginning, and the end of his policies resulted in the direct execution, starvation, or unjust imprisonment of literally millions of people.

Communism has never held any status but that of abysmal failure. It denotes moral and intellectual annihilation, standing in opposition to everything God wants for us.

Which speaks volumes about Venezuela's dictator-in-chief.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Do Not Flush Commode with Head in Bowl

The people who write product warning labels must have great senses of humor. Either that, or they assume that the average American is a cross-eyed, drooling moron. Here are a few examples of actual labels:

1. Label on a front-end loading washing machine: "DO NOT put any person in this washer."

2. On a personal watercraft: "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level."

3. On a Super Lotto ticket: "Do not iron."

4. Useful cell phone warning: "Don't try to dry your phone in a microwave oven."

5. Found on a telephone book: "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle."


What's next? "Please recycle. Do not eat," on plastic soda bottles? "Do not breathe underwater," posted at local swimming pools? Or how about a warning label on every handgun purchased--right alongside the voice/fingerprint/moon-cycle activated trigger lock, of course--which states, "Do not load, point at forehead, and depress trigger."

Better yet, why not just tattoo each newborn infink in the hospital nursery with bold red letters on its bouncing bottom: "Not a football. Do not kick."

Friday, January 5, 2007

Does My Rucksack Clash with These Fatigues?

The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under President Clinton says the nation has "evolved" enough so that openly homosexual men and women should be allowed to serve in the U.S. military now.

"The question before us now is whether enough time has gone by to give this policy serious reconsideration. Much evidence suggests that it has," he said, noting 24 other nations including allies in the fight against terrorism let homosexuals serve openly.

What a great idea. Destroying morale by sacrificing our soldiers for Iraqis unwilling to take up arms for their own country and freedom isn't good enough. You see, just as simian beasts once clambered down out of the trees and used lightning-originated fires to bake grubs on a stick, so, too, has the United States moved from barbarism to civilized behavior, from primitivism to enlightenment. Now we openly can embrace those who define themselves not as men and women, as patriots, or even (perish the thought) Americans, but as same-sex connoiseurs. This will redefine esprit de corps for a new era, and open whole new worlds of possibilities in barracks life.

And isn't it nifty how these social reengineering projects and outlooks that damage our culture find a basis in the actions and philosophies of other nations? Forget our heritage or our passe Constitution. Why worry about such ephemera when we have such giants of progress as France and Germany to emulate?

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone enjoyed the keg parties, the late-night drunken staggers out to the car, the bleary-eyed drives home straddling both lanes, and the gentle caresses of the toilet bowls against your temples as you retched away the dregs of the old year.

And kudos to all of you who spent New Year's Eve in a more intelligent if not productive manner. I'm a teetotaller myself, so I spent a quiet evening at home with my wife. I must admit that Christmas is of far greater import to me than New Year's. I always feel a bit melancholy, this time, every December-January. I suppose it's because of all the buildup for Christmas, and then it's over so fast. Of course, another year has been relegated to the dustbin of history, and that's never a sunny thought. 2006 passed faster than the Roadrunner on amphetamines, and we're already into 2007.

I truly hope the new year treats everyone well, with no mishaps and lots of blessings.

And if you ever start feeling a little blue, just sit back and think about how Saddam Hussein ended the old year, and remember that things could be a lot less peachy.