The people who write product warning labels must have great senses of humor. Either that, or they assume that the average American is a cross-eyed, drooling moron. Here are a few examples of actual labels:
1. Label on a front-end loading washing machine: "DO NOT put any person in this washer."
2. On a personal watercraft: "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level."
3. On a Super Lotto ticket: "Do not iron."
4. Useful cell phone warning: "Don't try to dry your phone in a microwave oven."
5. Found on a telephone book: "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle."
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What's next? "Please recycle. Do not eat," on plastic soda bottles? "Do not breathe underwater," posted at local swimming pools? Or how about a warning label on every handgun purchased--right alongside the voice/fingerprint/moon-cycle activated trigger lock, of course--which states, "Do not load, point at forehead, and depress trigger."
Better yet, why not just tattoo each newborn infink in the hospital nursery with bold red letters on its bouncing bottom: "Not a football. Do not kick."
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