Monday, May 31, 2010

Elitist Snot World News: Retro Edition

Here's a fun story I somehow missed from 2008: Bill Clinton is so bitter about Barack Obama's victory over his wife Hillary that he has told friends the Democratic nominee will have to beg for his wholehearted support.

A senior Democrat who worked for Mr Clinton has revealed that he recently told friends Mr Obama could "kiss my ass" in return for his support.

My friends, this is one classy gentlemen. I can't believe we were able to carry on as a nation, after he left office and started his own escort service and streetside courtesan consulting firm.

Remember the idiotic road signs that show a picture of Jorge W. Bushandez that say: "Miss me yet?"

Well, I nominate Bill for a future road sign that says:

"Miss my a - - yet?"

Sunday, May 30, 2010

PC Terms: Female Circumcision

I'm limiting my comment to the Islamic practice of performing cliterodectomies on young girls, in the interest of limiting sexual desire.

Calling this "female circumcision" is akin to dubbing partial-birth abortion "parasitic extrication." It's absurd. No proper comparison exists between this barbarism and male circumcision, which God approved for Jewish males in scripture.

This is evil, in that it denies a woman physical pleasure that her Creator intended and saw as good.

It's one of sundry stark and despicable examples of why Muslims who take their religion seriously have no place in Western civilization. We should end Muslim immigration to the west, and deport those who champion jihad and the institution of sharia; if that entails stripping some of their "citizenship," then so be it.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Obama's Election Explained in a Nutshell

Perhaps the funniest line I've ever heard in a film.

If you've not seen The Ghostbreakers (1940), with Bob Hope, I recommend it.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Don't Tell My Tart, My Skanky Raunchy Tart

Miley Cyrus has her very own bump 'n grind video, in which she instructs Hannah Montana fans in the proper method of performing a simulated sex act on the dance floor.

A pair of short - shorts: $15.

Parental absence: worth one full night of debauchery.

Rubbing one's buttocks on the crotch of a homosexual movie producer of the opposite sex: priceless.

Demonstrating uncanny parenting skills and moral outrage at his daughter's behavior, Billy Ray Cyrus announced to the public that, "It's what people her age do."

So if Miley ever wants to sample crack cocaine, we now know of an unassailable argument she can use with her loving father:

"But, Daddy-O, like, other girls my age do it, and, like, they love it!"

At which point Billy Ray's heart will melt; naturally he'll defer to his little striplet, who knows best.

He went on to say that she was "just having fun."

I wonder if Lindsay Lohan's parents made similar remarks, after she chug-a-lugged her first beer? Now she's singing "How Dry I Am" under the bridge uptown with Mr. "Hic" Q. Wino.

It seems Miley Cyrus is following in a long line of once-chaste, now-trollop starlets. Her mentors are Stripley Spears, Christina Stripmebarea, Striponcé, and Jessica Stripson, among other high-paid pole-dancers.

And good ol' Billy Ray? Well, he's less her father, and more her pimp.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

B.S. at West Point

Barack Obama gave a commencement speech at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, on Saturday, where he assured everyone that:

"The international order we seek is one that can resolve the challenges of our times," he said in prepared remarks. "Countering violent extremism and insurgency; stopping the spread of nuclear weapons and securing nuclear materials; combating a changing climate and sustaining global growth; helping countries feed themselves and care for their sick; preventing conflict and healing its wounds."

So he's distancing himself from Bush - era policies by engaging in empty rhetoric. That's quite a departure. Seeking "international order" -- whatever that means -- is not one of the constitutional duties of the President of the United States, Obama's delusional amendings notwithstanding. Notice, too, his context - free mentionings of "violent extremism" and "insurgency." Given that this president views terrorists as citizens, and citizens as terrorists, I draw no comfort from his vows of countering "extremism."

More from the empty suit: "combating a changing climate." Ha! I want to see that. How does one go about doing this? By enlisting the aid of Captain Planet, who poses by day as the mild - mannered Gaia Gore? "Global growth?" What in Sam Hill is he planning? Expansion of the Earth?

In Iraq, he said, the United States is "poised" to end its combat operations this summer, leaving behind "an Iraq that provides no safe haven to terrorists; a democratic Iraq that is sovereign, stable and self-reliant."

Yes, and I have some choice ocean - front property on the Sea of Tranquility that I'll sell you, lunar dirt - cheap. The man's lost in a haze of pipe dreams.

I doubt the Mulatto Messiah believes his own natterings. I expect little more from the Teleprompter - reader - in - chief.

Vacant words formed in a hollow soul.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Rainbow in the Dark

I was saddened by the passing of Ronnie James Dio, who died of stomach cancer on May 16. He was the current frontman of Heaven and Hell and his namesake group, Dio.

I don't know how many of my readers are into rock or hard rock, but Dio was a grand old man of these genres. He started off in the 1950s and 1960s in different doo - wop groups (Ronnie and the Rumblers, Ronnie and the Redcaps, Ronnie and the Prophets, etc), and later became the lead singer of Elf, who produced three foot - stomping, bluesy rock albums in the '70s. Later, he fronted Rainbow with Richie Blackmore, and Black Sabbath. And he made ten albums with the group named for him, as well as participated in a host of disparate side projects.

If you've ever heard him sing, then you know what a powerful set of pipes he possessed, and how his voice remained strong with the passage of years.

To my mind, his songs had moral clarity that few rock songs reveal. He often wrote about the war between good and evil, and portrayed evil as just that, with no sugar - coating or lipstick smeared on outright sin. That's refreshing, in an era of moral relativism.

Anyway, I just wanted to spend a moment remembering him. His music has affected and entertained me over the years, and, unlike with most music stars, I'm actually sorry that he's gone.

I hope he's with the Lord. Who knows? None of us goes to Heaven on personal merit, after all.

Rest in peace.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Excellent Advice . . .

. . . from a wise woman on reversing sexual liberation.

Dive into her other posts, as well. They're worth your time.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Beijing or Bust

I received a rather curious observation from Butt Out in the comments section of my post about cigarette butts. Here it is in its entirety:

i have no idea how much littering fines are. I think they are well over several hundred dollars.

In my last 15 years as a smoker, i constantly put the butts where they belonged, especially after we moved into a public park. I didn't want to see ANY trash in the landscape and I realized that the public was allowed here and if they began trashing it, the place would look awful really fast.

Figured I'd set the example, help with the clean ups and all.

so i'm saying its a smoker's responsibilty, as much as it's everybodies, to clean up after themselves. Our momma's don't live here, as the saying goes.

And about the ''alleged'' complaint with the police, that is how America works. Police always work on behalf of the greater good, including the things that they do not witness. If it doesn't suit you, move to China or Iran, where they are far more swifter and certain with their justice.

I take no issue with the first four paragraphs. Yes, smokers should be good stewards of the Earth, and not go flipping refuse willy - nilly all over the place. This applies to everyone; not just members of the carcinogen club.

However, the point was not what smokers do or should do; the subject was how the government abuses its trust, exerting its power in crafting inordinate punishments that have as much or more to do with the acquisition of money and pleasing enviromaniacs and anti - smokers as with the enactment of justice.

The final paragraph from Butt Out seems incoherent. First, it is not true that the police "always work on behalf of the greater good." I have read numerous stories about police brutality and other flagrant misconduct. Such reports are neither rare nor difficult in unearthing on the Internet.

Second, where is the logic in advising someone who denounces excessive punishments to look to China or Iran for satisfaction? One is a Communist / fascist state, and the other is an Islamoid dystopia. Butt Out's position is that I would find life more comfortable in China or Iran, since I decry draconian responses to minor crimes.

This is like saying, "Don't like Jew - bashing? Well, maybe you should pull up stakes and move to the Gaza Strip."

There is nothing just or honorable about incommensurate fines for petty infractions or informing on one's fellow citizens.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

To every single one of you mothers.