Monday, May 29, 2006

Amnesty National

Remember all the bilge about a "Temporary Guest-Worker Program" Bush and others have been spewing? Well, not to worry. The new Senate legislation ensures their transmogrification into Permanent Job Takers. Following are a jumble of thoughts on the subject:

1. I think it's asinine that we're even discussing "guest-workers," since the welfare system is overloaded, hospitals are foundering, the border has more holes in it than Darwinism, and the geographical areas with the highest concentrations of illegal aliens have proportionate crime spikes.

2. When President Bush and those of like mind say: "We need these people because they fill a void; they do jobs Americans won't do," or similar tripe, this doesn't even dip its toe into addressing the reality of the situation. On one side of the coin, we have certain employers--both big businesses and small--that seek out illegal aliens for hire, while making little or no efforts toward employing citizens. We're not speaking of people who are clueless about legal status; we're talking about conscious efforts to this end.

The flip-side is that, like any well-crafted lie, there is a kernel of truth in Bush's words when he natters on about "jobs Americans won't do." True, citizens are not showing up in droves to vie for jobs that provide high physical stress and low wages; but as usual, the president and his supporters ignore the crux of the matter and opt for circular logic. That these jobs pay so little is due to the rampant process of hiring illegal aliens, which keeps wages in industries such as construction, agriculture and restaurants artificially low. So this very practice causes the problem it theoretically is designed to fix--first it creates the gaping hole in the job market, then uses this rift in justifying the perpetual importation of Rio Grande triathletes. I've never heard Bush acknowledge any of the above in a single speech or policy statement.

3. The president insists his immigration plan is not an amnesty, and this is true, so long as one adheres to the fictional definition of the word existing wholly in his mind and nowhere outside its confines. defines amnesty thusly:

A. A general pardon granted by a government, especially for political offenses. B. an act of clemency by an authority (as a government) by which pardon is granted esp. to a group of individuals. C. a period during which offenders are exempt from punishment. D. a warrant granting release from punishment for an offense.

So the word goes beyond forgiveness for wrongdoing; it entails the foregoing of just and deserved punishment, as well. Judging by the president's words, amnesty means full and expedited conferral of citizenship. Anything less is not amnesty. In Southron intellectual circles, this is known as Pure B.S.

The facts speak for themselves. Our current laws on the books call for deportation of those who sneak into our country outside legal channels. Not one syllable of new legislation is needed in bringing this about. When our president and Congress tell these invaders, in essence, that the laws are for suckers and that illegals need not worry about deportation, that is amnesty. Period. Calling a frog a prince doesn't make it anything more or less than a frog. Can I get an amen, Kermit?


I dislike people who forward too many warnings as much as anyone, but this one is important!

Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, do not do it!

IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

Sunday, May 28, 2006


From Cybersalt Digest:

At her father's wake, a woman told her priest that ever since she was a child she and her father had discussed life after death. They had agreed that whomever went first would contact the other. They had discussed this again just two weeks before his death.

He died in her home and a few days after his death the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years and it had never gone off before. She couldn't turn it off so she called the security company that installed it.

The next morning the smoke alarm sounded again and the reason finally dawned on her. She said aloud, "Ok dad, I missed the signal yesterday but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don't have to call the security company again." The alarm fell silent.

She immediately called her priest to tell him the good news. His response: "Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message he sets off the smoke alarm, just where do you think he's calling from?"

Saturday, May 27, 2006


Mount Merapi, one of Indonesia's most active volcanoes, has been wheezing, belching and threatening to blow its top for the last few weeks. Yet, while scientists call for mass evacuation, most of the locals have stayed put, trusting to centuries-old mystical traditions to calm the spirits of the mountain.

"When I listen to Merapi, I don't hear any danger. Merapi will not hurt the residents, but they must look after the mountain and not take everything they want greedily," Maridjan, volcano 'gatekeeper' and medium between the residents and the mountain spirits, told reporters when asked why he was not abandoning the volcano's slopes.

Ah, the benefits of paganism.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Lock-Step Over the Cliff

Mayor C. Ray Nagin was reelected Saturday, overcoming a ceaseless barrage of criticism stemming from the chaos of Hurricane Katrina and the stalled recovery to achieve what many considered an improbable victory.

Despite calls by both candidates for unity across the historic barriers of race, the vote split largely along racial lines. Nagin won by gaining the support of about 80 percent of black voters and about 20 percent of white voters, according to election analyst Greg Rigamer.

What a great idea! Let's see: he exhibited complete and utter incompetence during Hurricane Kakillya--not only dropping the ball, but kicking it and running as fast as he could in the opposite direction; he blamed everyone but the benighted savages of Barsoom for the crisis' mismanagement, and still isn't ruling out their culpability; and with great gallantry and self-sacrifice, accepts zero blame for any of his failures. So it makes perfect sense that the good citizens of Nawleuhns would vote him back into office. After all, how can he continue being a useless, unrepentant beareaucrat, otherwise? This may be one of the most unprincipled, racially-motivated reelections on record.

I think the old saying applies: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Da Vinci Commode

Never have I seen a book of so little merit given so much attention. It boggles the mind, really. Dan Brown posits an unoriginal and entirely fictional account of Jesus' personal life, and people just go cross-eyed with joy over it. A bestseller? What a sad commentary on American culture. It's like taking a clod of dirt, wrapping it in a spiffy red ribbon, and saying: "Voila! A chocolate truffle!"

Yes, I'm aware it's only a novel, and all novels are lies, after all; but there are two factors that make this situation problematic. One is that Brown claims his book is based on fact. Actually, it's an exercise in heresy and deceit. The other is that the central thesis of his diatribe is a besmirchment of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and an attack on the Church. So I take issue with Brown and his malarkey.

Regarding the movie: you can't imagine how disappointed I am--yet unsurprised--that Tom Hanks and Ron Howard have involved themselves in this charade, helping usher a literary hoodwinking into the cinema. I've long admired Howard as a director and Hanks as an actor, but I've lost considerable respect for both. Their attachment to this project speaks volumes about their attitudes toward the Messiah and Christianity.

What troubles me most is the significant number of Christians who absorbed this tripe like sponges, hanging on Brown's every syllable, caught up in the mystery concocted by this devious modern mythmaker. The man is a liar--as are all those who spin fanciful false histories of Jesus' life on earth, without so much as a shred of evidence supporting their contentions. I and my family have zero use for this rubbish. We will not be waiting in line for tickets, or sitting breathlessly in the front row at the theater as falsehoods are paraded as truth.

Some are outraged by the movie and book; some love both; some are indifferent. But consider this: what if someone who is close to the kingdom of God sees this movie, and is turned away from His open arms?

What then?

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Bush Defends Spying

"We're in the business of defending the American people, and that's exacatically what we're doing. If that means we have to monitor each and every phone call that comes out of your house to Papa John's during a football game, that's what we'll do. If it means slogging through the contents of your septic tank, that's what we'll do. If it means installing a camera in your showerhead, that's what we'll do. If it means reading your 16 year-old daughter's diary the day after prom night, that's what we'll do. If it means interrogating your MD on the number of times he asked you to cough while wearing one of those little paper gowns with air conditioning in the back, that's what we'll do. If it means implanting a transmitter under the skin of your gelatinous rump, that's what we'll do. If it means revoking your constydelusional right to security of your person, home, or property, that's what we'll do. If it means rolling our eyes at the notion of court orders, that's what we'll do. If it means discarding the outmoded concept of probable cause, that's what we'll do. If it means arresting you, stripping you naked, and throwing you into an oubliette--that's a word in Texas--for the rest of your natural life, that's what we'll do. We're you're Big Brother, an' we dern-tootin' mean to protect you. But we'll do it according to the law."

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Jihad Tsunami

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinijad has been overheard promising the "end of history in two or three years."

Great. Gigantic, tooth-rattling waves devastating cities just don't cut it. Now we'll have "martyrs" on surf boards, cresting the tidal waves in bombvests and sporting AK-47s and sunburns.

This is the way the world ends.

This is the way the world ends.

This is the way the world ends.

Not with a bang. . .

. . .but with a Beach Boys tune.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

No More Tongue-Wagging

Thith ith one of the weirdetht thtories of thelf-mutilation I've ever theen.

Better Late Than Never

President Bush addressed the American people tonight on the issue of immigration. Here are a few snippets from his speech:

Our objective is straightforward: The border should be open to trade and lawful immigration and shut to illegal immigrants, as well as criminals, drug dealers and terrorists.

By the end of 2008, we will increase the number of Border Patrol officers by an additional 6,000.

We will construct high-tech fences in urban corridors, and build new patrol roads and barriers in rural areas. We will employ motion sensors infrared cameras and unmanned aerial vehicles to prevent illegal crossings.

One way to help during this transition is to use the National Guard. So in coordination with governors, up to 6,000 Guard members will be deployed to our southern border. The Border Patrol will remain in the lead. The Guard will assist the Border Patrol by operating surveillance systems analyzing intelligence installing fences and vehicle barriers building patrol roads and providing training.

. . .we will increase federal funding for state and local authorities assisting the Border Patrol on targeted enforcement missions. And we will give state and local authorities the specialized training they need to help federal officers apprehend and detain illegal immigrants.

We have expedited the legal process to cut the average deportation time. And we are making it clear to foreign governments that they must accept back their citizens who violate our immigration laws.

I will ask Congress for additional funding and legal authority, so we can end "catch and release" at the southern border once and for all.

. . .we need to hold employers to account for the workers they hire. It is against the law to hire someone who is in this country illegally.

The success of our country depends upon helping newcomers assimilate into our society, and embrace our common identity as Americans.

I agree with all of the above. Certainly these are steps in the right direction, and the president deserves credit where it's due. The only question remaining is: will he follow through with implementing these procedures and upgrades?

Sadly, the remainder of his speech is brimming with the same tired rhetoric, erroneous gibberish, and "amnesty-that-shore-ain't-an-amnesty" verbiage we've come to know and love on the immigration situation. For example, he reiterates the "Mexico is our friend" nonsense; he suggests that Mexico is "working cooperatively" with the U.S. in combating this problem, and that of drug trafficking and other crime; and blathers on about the dire need for a guest-worker program, since--goshdarnit--Americans just won't do certain jobs, like construction, restaurant and grocery store work, agricultural and janitorial jobs, etc. ad nauseum.

Still and all, if his administration brings these measures to fruition, it's a definite stride toward common sense, and away from patent stupidity.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Presidential Poll

Please vote for your favorite contender for the 2008 presidential race in this scientific poll:

1. Swillary Cretin
2. Beelzebub (redundant, I know)
3. Geraldo Rivera
4. John Skerry
5. Algore
6. Jebby "I Let'em Kill Terri" Bush
7. Arnold Termineggar
8. Rudy Giuliani
9. Vox Day
10. Che Guevara
11. Ted "The Red" Kennedy
12. Barney the Purple Dinosaur
13. Manuel Ortega el Nacho Yo Quiero Juan Valdez Los Locos Diablo

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day!

Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women's opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering.--Elaine Heffner

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.--Unknown

A mother's yearning feels the presence of the cherished child even in the degraded man.--George Eliot

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.--George Washington

A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.' -- Unknown

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. -- Irish Proverb

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Big Brothah's Got Yo Numbah

The government is secretly collecting records of ordinary Americans' phone calls in an effort to build a database of every call made within the country, it was reported Thursday.

AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth telephone companies began turning over records of tens of millions of their customers' phone calls to the National Security Agency program shortly after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, said USA Today, citing anonymous sources it said had direct knowledge of the arrangement.

The program does not involve listening to or taping the calls. Instead it documents who talks to whom in personal and business calls, whether local or long distance, by tracking which numbers are called, the newspaper said.

The president said last year that he authorized the NSA to listen, without warrants, to international phone calls involving Americans suspected of terrorist links.

One big telecommunications company, Qwest, has refused to turn over records to the program, the newspaper said, because of privacy and legal concerns.

Bush's reply: "Our intelligence activities strictly target al-Qaida and their known affiliates," Bush said. "We are not mining or trolling through the personal lives of innocent Americans."

Bush said any domestic intelligence-gathering measures he's approved are "lawful," and he says "appropriate" members of Congress have been briefed.

First, let me just say that I have no idea if this story is accurate. If it is true, then I think it's safe suggesting that Bush intentionally has engaged in deceit regarding the extent of the government's snooping in telecommunications. Certainly this is far wider in scope than the monitoring of international callers suspected of terrorist links.

I don't have all the answers, but let me make a polite suggestion: for those who support Bush, please, for the sake of all that is sacred, don't utilize the argument, "Well, if you're innocent of wrongdoing and have nothing to hide, then this shouldn't bother you." This is specious reasoning, in my opinion. I can use the exact same rationale for giving you a full body-cavity search at the local airport, using a jar of Vaseline, a pair of rubber gloves, and a plunger.

Things That Make You Upchuck

Illustrious senator from New York (yeah, right), Swillary Cretin, gushed about George Dubya Bush Tuesday night:

Asked to say one nice thing about President Bush, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton went one better: She named two things.

"He is someone who has a lot of charm and charisma, and I think in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, I was very grateful to him for his support for New York," Clinton said Tuesday night during a talk at the National Archives about her life in politics.

Clinton, a potential presidential candidate in 2008, said that despite their "many disagreements about many, many issues," she has always had a good personal relationship with the president.

"He's been very willing to talk. He's been affable. He's been good company," said Clinton, D-N.Y.

Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but when a commie reploid praises our president, it makes me examine him with a warier eye.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Missing Link: Still AWOL

“Imaginations run riot in conjuring up an image of our most ancient ancestor—the creature that gave rise to both apes and humans. This ancestor is not apparent in ape or human anatomy nor in the fossil record.

“…anatomy and the fossil record cannot be relied upon for evolutionary lineages. Yet palaeontologists persist in doing just this.”

– J. Lowenstein and A. Zihlman, "The Invisible Ape," New Scientist 120(1641):56, 57, 1988.

Light in Darkness

From the Billy Graham Evangelical Association's monthly newsletter, May, 2006:

Dear Friend,

Once known as the bloodiest and most dangerous prison in America, the Louisiana State Penitentiary in Angola has been dramatically transformed by the power of God. Just a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to preach the Gospel at this sprawling 18,000-acre prison farm surrounded by the mighty Mississippi River on three sides and rugged hills on the other.

I came to Angola at the invitation of Warden Burl Cain, who has helped lead this moral and spiritual transformation since his arrival over a decade ago. Every inmate who enters Angola is met by both a prison official and an inmate chaplain. They are all strongly encouraged to attend one of the several churches that meet regularly in the prison chapels, and many do. The chapels are located at five of the six camps into which the 5,100 prisoners are divided.

This amazing transformation has taken place among a prison population that includes the most violent criminals in the state. Nearly 90 percent of the prisoners sent to Angola never leave, since the average sentence is 88-90 years.

Under Warden Cain's leadership, chapels have been built with private funds where prisoners worship and attend discipleship and evangelism classes. --Franklin Graham

It's amazing seeing the Lord do His good work in such a place of depravity. It just goes to show that nothing is beyond Him. Nothing.

Sunday, May 7, 2006

Aztlan Anthem

Since rewriting the national anthem is all the rage, these days, I thought I'd offer my own counter-reply to the multicultists:

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
Our throng as we march in the streets and the byways?
When we screech and demand our illusory rights,
And clog the town squares and choke all the highways?
And the mescaline stare in our eyes isn't rare,
And gives proof of our tripe, in a spine-gelling glare.
Oh, say does the Mexican banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
By the wide Rio Grande the next wave reposes.
What is that which the wind, as we fitfully sleep,
Carries from D.C.'s halls, and makes us hold our noses?
When it wafts on the breeze--this political sleeze--
It says: "We'll close the border when Hell's hinges freeze."
There's the Mexican standard! Oh, long may it wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that leader who so vauntingly swore
To abide by the law and our naive Constitution?
He stands at the gate and throws wide the door,
Refining the art of civic prostitution.
And each welfare case has a smile on his face,
With no fear of arrest by the evil paleface.
And the Mexican rag in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the knave!

Oh! Thus be it ever, when invaders come
To our very threshold and give us the finger.
Take the fake S.S. card; step aside, gringo scum.
Embrace each and all like a gallant left-winger.
And conquer they must; our bright dream bites the dust,
As our "leaders" inform us that we should adjust.
And the hate-monger banner of La Raza shall wave
O'er a brave new third world, and the home of the slave!

Friday, May 5, 2006

Deserving of Ridicule

I caught the end of O'Reilly's radio show a few nights ago, in which Andrew Napolitano appeared as a guest discussing illegal immigration, possible solutions, and the current administration's policy. O'Reilly exhibited surprise toward the statements of certain politicians, regarding how those who make it across our borders--legally or otherwise--deserve to become American citizens. He disagreed, but after batting the idea around with Napolitano, it was obvious that the latter shared this sentiment.

I think Napolitano has gotten too big for his britches; he once was a judge, so this qualifies him as a constitutional scholar and an expert on social problems on a national scale. Needless to say, I vehemently disagree. He believes the Constitution applies to everyone equally in this country--citizen, legal resident, or illegal alien--which I'm assuming leads him to his ridiculous attitude on "deserving" citizenship.

Consider Washington and Jefferson, Franklin and Henry, Hamilton and John Adams. Did they strut around waxing eloquent on how they deserved their place in U.S. society? Did each believe he was entitled to American largesse and all that it entailed? Not at all. These men and others humbly attributed their successes and the formation of this country to almighty God. They believed that without Him, all their efforts would have come to naught, however valiant. They recognized and acknowledged the outpouring of blessings upon what was at that time a fledgeling nation; they were certain that the grace of His hand molded this republic out of a gaggle of seemingly insignificant colonies. They saw what God had wrought, and it left them astounded at His influence in their lives. Thankfulness, praise, relief, appreciation--these vied for the foremost places in their minds. Entitlement never entered the picture.

Now consider me. I was born in this country, to parents native born. In turn, their parents were Americans by birth. Both sides of my family have thick, strong roots deeply entrenched in this nation's foundation, going back well over a century, if not two centuries. I even have Cherokee Indian blood flowing in my veins (that's Native-American, for those who believe we find unity in hyphenation). And yet with all this familial history on U.S. soil, I find the idea repugnant that I deserve American citizenship. I thank God for allowing me to live my life in the greatest country on earth. I just as easily could have come kicking from the womb in Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, or name-your-dystopia. Never has any country allowed and even encouraged so much freedom and opportunity, and I'm delighted that I call the United States of America home. I undertstand that these precious freedoms we all cherish are under assault, even as I type these words. But warts and all, I'd rather live here than anywhere else on this fallen planet.

I sometimes think of those who have given the last full measure for this country; those who have died defending the liberties we take for granted. I admire and honor their sacrifices. Words can't convey the meaning of their actions.

So when I hear about illegal aliens "deserving" citizenship, it leaves a sour pill in the pit of my stomach. It's an affront that deserves stomping at every opportunity.

I think this notion is a product of the entitlement mentality that has grown up in this nation like a rank weed since the days of Roosevelt's Raw Deal. After all, if we're entitled to our fellow citizens' income, unearned and certainly undeserved, it's not too much of a stretch suggesting that those who successfully swim the Rio Grande should have a stamp of approval on their foreheads.

If our Founders felt blessed at God's divine providence in the forging of this nation, if average American citizens thank Him in humble adoration for birthing them in the land of opportunity, then the idea that illegal invaders "deserve" citizenship is not only preposterous, but insulting, as well.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

The Last Straw

"It cannot be accidental, one is tempted to conclude, that the percentage of salt in our bloodstreams is roughly the same as the percentage of salt in the oceans of the world. The long and intricate process by which evolution helped to shape the complex interrelationship of all living and nonliving things may be explicable in purely scientific terms, but the simple fact of the living world and our place on it evokes awe, wonder, a sense of mystery—a spiritual response when one reflects on its deeper meaning."

– Al "Gaia" Gore, Sanity in the Balance, p. 264.

One is tempted to conclude; and in the very next sentence, one does conclude. And what "spiritual" response is evoked by our "living world?"

I imagine Gore sitting in a grove, legs crossed, eyes closed, communing with nature, listening to the voices of the trees as they sough through the branches and undergrowth; perhaps worshipping the bluebird as she sings. He utters the occasional, mystical, oh-so-meaningful "Ohhhhhhmmmmmmm," as he becomes one with Mother Earth, the dust between his toes, the little earthworms corkscrewing through the dirt beneath him, and the universe at large. He revels in how we all are brine of the ocean, as much cousins of octopi and plankton and diatoms as we are of the holy ape in his alpine abode. He ponders the great Circle of Life, and smiles in wonder at the deep, underlying meaning found in The Lion King.

With the sun beating gloriously into his beatific face, he breaks his fast with a vegan lunch, praying to the Earth Goddess over each tender shoot and glistening leaf, offering thanksgiving to the plants who bravely sacrificed their lives for his nourishment.

And then a nightmarish sound intrudes upon his solace: the chugging of a diesel engine as it charges up the road nearby, transporting human bacteria to their next point of infestation. A shudder runs up his spine and goosepimples his arms. He hears the trees hacking and choking from the noxious fumes flatulating out of the behemoth's tailpipe. He feels the ozone layer fracture even further, and his brain bubbles under the sun's hellish glare. The bluebird lies gasping on her perch, a victim of toxic emissions and global warming that grows exponentially worse by the minute.

A wave of nausea roils over him, and he loses his lunch there on the pristine sward, the mere thought of humans in their billions gang-raping the fertile land making his stomach flip-flop.

He stumbles--au naturel, of course--to the vile roadway, the scurrilous pavement biting into the Earth's delicate crust, and screams obscenities at the passing motorists.

Gasping for breath, a pendulum of drool depending from his bottom lip, he leaps into his SUV and gives chase.

He'll show them what it's like to live in fear of imminent death; he'll teach them how the caribou in ANWR feel about their diminishing lands and resources; he'll tutor them in the pain experienced by an evergreen felled during winter solstice, decorated gaudily, its corpse displayed in the den for all to see, like a trophy of war.

He grins maniacally at the vial of ebola lying in the passenger seat beside him. In time, they will understand and thank him--those few who remain. After all, Mother Earth must replenish herself, and she cannot accomplish this task without the excision of the human parasite.

Now, Where Was I?

I'm back.

I hope no one was holding his breath.