A Nation of Morons

I found these examples of idiotic product labeling in Catherine Crier's book, The Case Against Lawyers:

The label on a handheld massager reads: "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious."

A label on a public toilet says: "Recycled flush-water unsafe for drinking." Golly, do I feel sheepish after reading that one.

A warning on a laser-printer cartridge: "Do not eat toner."

Bicycle shin-guards warn us: "Pads do not protect parts of the body that they do not cover."

A household iron says: "Do not iron clothing while wearing them."

And a baby stroller's warning sticker pleads: "Remove child before folding."

Just think, our society is so litigious--and some of its members are so irredeemably stupid--that such boneheaded messages are necessary.

Sad, isn't it?

Howdy All

I realize it's been several days since I last posted. Sorry about that. I'm pretty sure that the modem is damaged in my pc, since I'm having no computer problems outside of connecting to the internet. I haven't had the time or the funds, lately, to correct this situation. But I will, eventually--hopefully soon. Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone on what's going on. I hope all is well with my readers and commenters. Thanks for sticking with me.

HAL 9000

Folks, I'm sorry I haven't been updating the blog with my usual frequency. I'm having difficulties with the evil computer, so expect updates, here, on a once -or- twice- weekly basis, instead of daily. This is a temporary situation, so I appreciate all of you who hang with me, until it's over. This, too, shall pass, and all that. I apologize to all my loyal readers and commenters who are wondering what the heck happened to me. Fortunately, I wasn't abducted by aliens, or sucked into a black hole. I hope most of you consider that a positive development.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be back to posting my rants and gripes with all the usual train-wreck subtleties and sandpaper delicacies pretty soon.

I've posted two new entries, below, which I'd been saving. Hope y'all enjoy 'em.

God bless each and every one of you. Take care of yourselves, until I return.

Violence Has a Purpose

"People...love to say that 'Violence never solved anything.' But what solved Hitler? Was it a team of social workers? Was it putting daisies into the gun barrels of Nazi Panzer divisions? Was it a commission that tried to understand what made Hitler so angry? No. What solved Hitler was violence." --Michael Medved

This is what drives me nuts about pacifism. It's a desire for peace taken to its most deranged extreme. Pacifism means submission to death. . .or worse. That's it, in a nutshell. History's pages are rife with examples of violence solving problems and ridding people of evils. Betimes, violence begets violence, I'm aware, and the Law of Unintended Consequences always is in effect. But situations occur in which violence is the only solution allowed by the opposing party. Some people understand and respect nothing but brute force.

Violence stemmed the tide of the Hunnish invasion; it ended Moorish usurper rule in Spain; it halted the Jihad at Poitiers, and grievously injured the Ottoman Empire's imperialist goals at Lepanto; it prevented the annihilation of Israel in several wars, and the engulfment of Kuwait and South Korea. I could go on and on.

Pacifism assumes a basic, inherent goodness within the hearts of ones supposed foes. As history and the local nightly news tells us, this is a specious assumption, a flight from reality. Covering one's eyes does not bring salvation from the pouncing lion. There are times when fire must be fought with fire, claw with claw, fang with fang. Circumstances arise in which we have no other choice.

If someone breaches my home's locked doors at night, with intent to harm, pacifism would see to it that I stand by and do nothing, while my family is assaulted and possibly killed. I can assure you, that ain't gonna happen.

Ever wonder why we don't hear the lamentations of pacifists from deep within war-torn territories? It's because they're cut-off early on, buried somewhere in a mass grave with all the other "peace-at-any-price" dreamers.

I remember a scene from the film Mars Attacks!; it's a silly movie, but one segment stands out in my mind as a great explanation of where pacifism takes people. In this scene, a ship lands in the desert and is surrounded by anxious humans, waiting in breathless anticipation for someone--or something--to emerge. A ramp extends, and little, harmless-looking Martians appear. An on-site hippie is overcome with emotion, at which point he releases a dove into the air. As it soars overhead, a Martian shoots it out of the sky, and everyone watches as it lands in a sizzling, featherless heap. The aliens then proceed to exterminate everyone in the vicinity--man, woman, and child. It never even occurs to most of these people that the immense alien buildup is a preliminary to an all-out assault on the human race. I'm not expecting extraterrestrial conquerors any time soon. We have enough problems and enough invaders to worry about, right here on the ground.

Don't be that dove.

No Kidding

I saw this in The Federalist Patriot. It's a real headline:

"Report: Muslim World Largely Anti-American" --Associated Press

Gee, really? Talkin' 'bout a statement of the obvious. That's kinda like saying, "Report: Bill Clinton Like Crazed Rabbit on Viagra."

File this under the "DUH" heading.

Quotes from the Ivory Tower

"I think it has clearly done some temporary damage. It's thrown us off our game for a little bit. I think this will end up being a blip." --Michael Isikoff, author of the "Operation: Flush Your Credibility" scandal at Newsweek.

"CBS News has a culture, has a history that those of us who work here, it's very real -- that we see it as a sort of magical mystical kingdom of journalistic knights."--Sir Dan Rather

Let's see, arrogance, disdain for the truth, flippancy, delusions of grandeur, a severance from reality: What more could you ask for in a "journalist?"

Like a Broken Clock. . .

“It becomes clear now that the whole justification of Jesus’ life and death is predicated on the existence of Adam and the forbidden fruit he and Eve ate. Without the original sin, who needs to be redeemed? Without Adam’s fall into a life of constant sin terminated by death, what purpose is there to Christianity? None.”–- G. Richard Bozarth, "The Meaning of Evolution," American Atheist, p. 30, September 20, 1979.

During rare phases of the moon, under aberrant planetary conjunctions, or eccentric alignments of the stars--even atheists sometimes get it right.

The Evolution of Diversity

From Answers in Genesis: We received a letter from a person who’d been named the editor for a geologic society. He was asked to provide articles of substance for their newsletter. In his first issue he included articles that questioned established evolutionary geologic principles. In less than two weeks, members of the society demanded his resignation and the return of all the materials that he had, even when these actions were in violation of the society’s constitution.

These so-called "scientists" really get on my nerves. I recommend that they have t-shirts made, with this logo: "Keeping the Evolutionary Paradigm Alive, One Lie at a Time." Just march in lock-step toward the precipice with a smile. Submit to groupthink. But if you decide to think outside the box, or follow facts wherever they lead, you can take a hike.

Founding Quotes of Note XXX

"Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition." --Thomas Jefferson

I'd get a kick out of hanging a sign with these words in the nearest welfare office.

A Poem

After that last post, I thought I'd offer something somewhat more uplifting. Here's a poem I wrote a couple of years ago. I hope y'all enjoy it:


Mary's Pledge


Hush, now, my darling, rest in sleep,
until the morning gleams.
Lay your head on my gladdened breast.
Find solace in your dreams.
Our Maker's plans and hopes for us
lie bundled in your form--
the quenching of our spirits' thirst,
the calming of life's storm.
Please know that I will keep the charge
God gave me in my youth--
to help you grow in righteousness
and watch you live His truth.
So all this heart I give to you,
my balm to soothe your strife,
milk for your sustenance,
my every breath, my life.
I rub your little head, so soft
and rock you with my songs.
No matter how our roads diverge,
with you my soul belongs.
Let me now wipe your tear-streaked eyes.
Oh, may my love suffice!
For someday you shall dry mine, too,
at home, in Paradise.

Bombs-for-Tots

Reed this and weep.

“Shahids” (Martyrs for Allah)

Preaching before an audience that included Abbas, Sheikh Yusuf Jumma Salmah said in a recent Friday sermon on PA TV that the ideal Palestinian woman is like “Al Khansah,” the heroine of Islamic tradition who celebrated her four sons’ death in battle by thanking God for the honor…This portrayal of the ideal Palestinian woman as one who willingly sacrifices her sons as Shahids, therefore, continues to represent official PA ideology— especially since this sermon was delivered in the presence of Abbas…

Interview with the mother of two killed terrorists:

Host: “They (the Israelis) accuse the Palestinian mother of hating her sons and of encouraging them to die.”

Mother: “No. We do not encourage our sons to die. We encourage them to ‘shahada’ (death for Allah), for the homeland, for Allah. We don’t say to the mothers of the Shahids, ‘We come to comfort you,’ rather, ‘We come to bless you on your son’s wedding, on your son’s shahada. Congratulations to you on the shahada.’ For us the mourning is a joyous wedding. We give out drinks, we give out sweets. Praise to Allah, our mourning is a joyous wedding.” (Palestinian Authority TV, November 17, 2004)

A Letter from a Shahid to his Mother/ By Abdul Badi Iraq:

My Dear Mother

…I wrapped my body with determination, with hopes and with bombs

I asked (reaching) toward Allah and the fighting homeland

The explosive belt makes me fly, strengthens me to make haste

I calm it (the explosive), we should stay steadfast, we have not yet reached

I launched myself, I launched myself, like lava burning old legends and vanity

I launched my body, all my pains and oppression towards the packs of beasts

I launched, oh mother, freed the chains and the shackles.

And you found me rising and rising like a candle that was lit with precious olive oil

And you saw me sending a loving kiss above the mosques and the churches, the houses and the roads

Flocks of pigeons flew above the porches

And Al-Aqsa smiled and gave me a sign that will not sleep

Dawn is close, oh mother, and it shall rise from guns, from shining spears

It will be lit from a bloody wound…

The wedding is the wedding of the land

Sound a cry of joy, oh mother, I am the groom…”

(The official Palestinian daily Al Hayat Al Jadida, Feb. 27, 2003)

This has got to be the sickest, worst distortion of all that is holy that I've ever seen. A religion and an ideology such as this must have found its putrid origin in the bowels of hell, right from the Devil's darkest imaginings. It's like embracing darkness as light; and seeing light, and denouncing it as darkness.

Bill Press: Genius of the Left

Leftist theologian Bill Press says: "If Jesus cured people of leprosy, dropsy and palsy, is there any doubt that He would embrace today's efforts to find a cure for Parkinson's or heart disease using embryonic stem-cell research? I think not."

Someone needs to do some brain-cell research on this guy. Even setting aside religious beliefs, there's not a whit of logic in his statement. Let's reword this for its true meaning: "If Jesus cured people of leprosy, dropsy and palsy, is there any doubt that He would embrace today's efforts to find a cure for Parkinson's or heart disease using the tiny bodies of ex utero babies? I think not."

See? Taken for what it is, this utterance is asinine in the extreme. First-off, Bill, Jesus didn't use the discarded corpuses of partly-formed human beings to heal people. Nor did He condone it. He used the miraculous and awesome power of God. We have no reason to believe that he approves such research. Second, medical research (which you have placed on a pedestal) has shown that the positive effects of embryonic stem-cell research are dubious, at best. That's putting a nice spin on it. Adult stem-cell research has met with far more success. Third, if God will allow the curing and eradication of these horrific diseases, don't you think He might provide a way of going about this without mining human embryos? Since you find the great superiority of adult stem-cell research unworthy of even the merest mention in your article, I must conclude that not only are you illogical and unChristian in your thought process, but also dishonest.

His reasoning, in a nutshell: Jesus cured people. Embryonic stem-cell research cures people. Ergo, Jesus would've danced a jig over its prospects. Ignoring the lies implicit in this, that's a leap of logic that would cause Darwin to fall flat on his face in the evolutionary soup.

Incan Religious Rites

The next time you're pining for the good old days, or reading about how loathsome the conquistadores were to the peace-loving native Indians:

Recent evidence sheds light on the young boys and girls who were killed during Inca sacrificial ceremonies in the 15th and 16th centuries, evidence that includes pottery and human remains found at South American mountaintop sites.

Although archaeologists do not believe the Inca practiced cannibalism, as did their Aztec neighbors to the north, the evidence does suggest that Inca leaders targeted children to serve as sacrificial "tribute," somewhat similar to money collected for state taxes.

Historical writings indicate that the victims probably were drugged during the ceremonies and did not feel much pain, although killing methods were violent.

"The forensic evidence indicates that some were killed by strangulation, others by a blow with a blunt instrument to the head," she explained. "It's likely they would've been sedated prior to being killed through lots of chicha — corn beer — ingestion."

Ah, compassionate murder. Only those of us living in these post-Terri Schiavo days truly can appreciate this. As for these deaths encompassing a "sacrificial tribute,"I'm reminded of abortion, somewhat; except in our enlightened modern times, babies are sacrificed on the altar of narcissism, to the deity of Self.

Banzai!!

Sixty years after the end of the Second World War, two Japanese veterans have reportedly emerged from the Philippines jungle, declaring that they wish to go home but are afraid of a court martial.

According to one version, the pair - in their mid-eighties - had no idea the war was over until they came down from the thickly forested mountains near General Santos, a city on the southern island of Mindanao.

It seems barely conceivable that the men could have spent six decades in hiding, possibly unaware of Japan's defeat. Yet in 1974 a former Imperial Army intelligence officer, Lieutenant Hiroo Onoda, was discovered in the rainforests of Lubang island in the Philippines, 30 years after being assigned there.

Mr Onoda, now 83, refused to believe that the war had ended, and it was only when his former commanding officer was flown over from Japan that he agreed to leave the jungle. In 1975 he emigrated to Brazil. Another Japanese ex-soldier, Shoichi Yokoi, was found on the North Pacific island of Guam in 1972. He came home, and died in 1977.

Japan's Sankei Shimbun newspaper said the two men had probably belonged to the Panther division, which was virtually wiped out as the war drew to a close. It said that the pair ended up in the mountains after becoming separated from their comrades. The newspaper quoted an unidentified source as claiming that as many as 40 Japanese soldiers were still in the Philippines, all yearning to return home.

This is amazing, if true. But out of curiosity: Does this shed light on the old Bugs Bunny cartoons, in which we all were assured, "You're a sap sap sap, Mr. Jap."?

Guarding Our Borders

The deployment of 36,000 National Guard troops or state militia on the U.S.-Mexico border would stop the illegal flow of foreigners into America, says a congressional report that credits the Minuteman Project with proving that additional manpower could "dramatically reduce if not virtually eliminate" illegal immigration.

"As we wage the war on terror in foreign lands, we have all our doors and windows open at home. ... The insanity of such a policy, or silent toleration of such a policy is almost criminal in itself," it said. "The Minuteman Project demonstrated that illegal immigration on America's southern border can be dramatically reduced to manageable levels."

The report, to be released today, also said the U.S. Border Patrol failed "through no fault of its rank-and-file enforcement officers" to protect the United States from an influx of illegals.

It said the agency's uniformed leadership should be pointed in a "new direction" as it is in "total denial of the magnitude of the disaster" and — as currently organized, staffed and supported — "cannot be relied upon" to remedy the situation soon.

The report said Congress and the states could sustain the success of the Minuteman Project — whose members were lightly armed, had no arrest powers, were not paid and traveled to Arizona at their own expense — with the deployment of National Guard troops or state militia working in coordination with the Border Patrol.

The report said that sufficient reinforcements exist in current National Guard units and could be put on the border by governors and the secretary of defense within one month, if the political will exists.

"The primary impetus to stimulate the Minuteman Project is a border out of control; not for months, not for years, not just since September 11, but for many, many years," the report said. "Social and legal costs and cultural cohesion far outweigh supposed economic benefit. At a time of terror threat, the cost of irresponsibly unsecured borders can be horrific."

The report also noted that Border Patrol supervisors said the Minutemen had little or no effect on illegal immigration, attributing apparent decreases during the vigil to increased enforcement efforts by the agency, along with the increased presence of Mexican military and police south of the border.

"However, nearly every individual Border Patrol officer who spoke off-the-record in the field to the Caucus team said that illegal immigration virtually stopped in the sector patrolled by the Minutemen as a direct result of Minutemen activity and publicity," the report said.

"The individual officers were highly appreciative of the impact the Minutemen made in the area, had good working relations with the project unofficially and felt the project had made a valuable contribution to the cause of the rank-and-file officer — protecting the border against impossible logistical challenges," it said.

Despite contrary claims by the supervisors, the report said, illegal immigration dropped significantly in the areas east and west of Naco, Ariz., targeted by the Minutemen. It said the decline "put to rest the historic immigration reform myth that it is impossible to stop illegal immigrants from crossing the border with any reasonable amount of additional manpower."

"The Minuteman Project demonstrated that illegal immigration on America's southern border can be dramatically reduced to manageable levels," the report said. "What is missing is not the means to control; it is the will. With a will, there is a way."

God bless Tom Tancredo and the 70 other members of the caucus responsible for this report.

Thought Crimes

Hate-crimes revisited & updated for the new era of hate-filled bigotry! Yee-haw!

The legislation, reintroduced by two Democrats and two Republicans in Congress, would expand federal jurisdiction to cover violent hate crimes committed "because of the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender or disability" of the victim.

C'mon, guys. At least be honest with the sheeple. Call this what it is: thought-crimes legislation.

Let me bring a little clarity to this otherwise confusing situation: If I murder you because you're brown, dark-skinned, Muslim, from Libya, homosexual, male, and stumping around on crutches after losing your leg in a homicide bomber attack, I'm one heck of an evil feller. Throw me in the lion's den or a pond filled with piranhas; lock me in a dank & pitch-black dungeon with spiders the size of German Shepherds, where rat-gnawed human bones decorate the corners; give me a mindwipe with a red-hot poker in my ear.

But if I murder you for any reason not listed above. . .well, now, that ain't quite so bad. They'll just give me a few years in prison, three squares a day, Wheel-of-Fortune and Jeopardy!, jailbird jazzercize, free-weights, workout benches and uniformed spotters, Psychopaths Anonymous meetings, and Martha Stewart macrame techniques. If I'm reeeely on my best behavior, I might be out in no time at all, straight through the revolving door, locked and loaded, and coming to a neighborhood near you!

Ain't that just precious?

Revenge of the Sith: A Review

I saw this movie, yesterday afternoon, with my father and my wife. We had the theater mostly to ourselves, with only a few people scattered hither and yon, throughout the place. I had quite a good time, I must admit. Even the dizzying barrage of questions my wife launched at me with the agility and speed of a Jedi lightsaber attack, afterwards, didn't compel me over to the Dark Side. See, she's seen only episodes 2 and now 3, so everything was a tad bit confusticating, for her.

I enjoyed this last film in the series. A lot. It was a nice improvement after episodes one and two. The special effects were out of this world--literally and metaphorically--and perhaps were the best I've ever seen. The director did a masterful job of preserving the series continuity, as well, blending the end of the third movie smoothly into the intro of the fourth installment (or the first, depending upon your perspective). The acting on the part of everyone was competent, if not inspirational. One exception is Ian McDairmid, who played Palpatine. I've always thought the man is a fine actor, and his role, here, reveals this in one of the slimiest, most loathsome on-screen villains imaginable. In the acting department, his scenes were the film's high points, though he did ham it up a bit a couple of times. It was almost as if he reveled in this final portrayal of the man, as the story came full-circle.

The plot was well thought-out and serviceable, and all questions of major significance were answered.

A few words about the director and the film's moral tone: George Lucas is an odd duck. Within his movies, we see politics and philosophy depicted in ways that send mixed signals. Throughout the series, I've noticed elements of libertarianism, conservatism, socialism, totalitarianism, liberalism, and incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo all tossed in the blender and given a good whirl. It's hard pinpointing where he stands, and maybe that's his intention. On the one hand, he strongly shows us that absolute power concentrated in the hands of one or a few people is a devastating force. On the other hand, his mystic characters spout gibberish like: "Search your feelings." Or "Look to your feelings." "Listen to your feelings." And "Let your feelings be your guide." I consider this a nonsensical and dangerous message. Emotion is a fickle beast. One moment it purrs and slinks around your leg; the next, it's biting it off at the knee. Lucas may not be aware of this; but the irony of the situation is that heeding this advice precisely is what leads Anakin Skywalker down the murky path to the Dark Side of the Force.

Waffling aside, however, Lucas is staunch on one particular moral point, which I'd like to elaborate upon, if my readers will indulge me. It is the rare film that does an excellent and convincing job of demonstrating the corrosive effects of evil. Such a film is Revenge of the Sith.
In recent memory, only The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy makes such a strong statement on the nature of wickedness. My personal belief--which is sculpted from my understanding of the holy scriptures--is that evil is the corruption of good. It is a parasite, unable to exist without good as its precursor. It is not self-sustained, but is engorged on the ruination of that which is unblemished. Satan began as the "Son of the Morning," and became the "Father of Lies." Adam and Eve were created good, but fell into sin, bringing death and a curse to themselves and the creation. Even in the literary world--again using LOTR as an example--Sauron was made good, but fell into shadow through his own greed and lust for power. And so we come back to the present film, which exemplifies this devolution with a starkness and forthrightness seldom experienced in a movie. We see this ravagement in the personal life of Anakin Skywalker, as well as in the collapse of the democratic Republic and the erection of a galactic Empire on its smoldering foundation.

In my honest opinion, this characteristic of evil's dissipating aspects--in and of itself--makes episode three worth the price of admission. It makes a worthwhile point usually absent in the Hollow Halls of Hollywood.

Are there flaws in this installment? Of course--as there are in all the other movies in the series. But they came across as secondary in importance to the greater message in this film, illustrated above. For example, Padme's belly transforms from prodigious to nearly flat, throughout the movie, as VQ noted in a review on her blog. No explanation is offered for the ballooning and leveling of her abdomen. I delved into some confusing aspects of the philosophical undertone, earlier. Though the Jedi have great powers of precognition, they are helpless at prophesying their own demises--again, without explanation. Some of the dialogue came across as stilted, though most of it was decent enough, and a little even was well done. On at least two occasions, Obi-Wan Kenobi's reactions to the transpiration of horrific events was flat and unconvincing. I consider this more a directional fault than a lapse in Ewan MacGregor's acting skills, though. Also, this was--far, far and away--the darkest and most depressing film in the series. To that extent, I can sympathize with someone not accepting it with googly-eyed rapture. In the final analysis, most of the criticism I've read regarding this film is far too harsh. One last error in judgment, on Lucas' part: Jar-Jar Binks appeared twice in the film, both times in non-speaking roles. I considered his muteness a blessing. Yet somehow, he escaped every pitfall, making it all the way through to the end, eluding dismemberment, incineration, or boiling in a vat of acid.

George, what were you thinking?

Brave Sir Robin

In honor of the dauntless Republicans and their head-on taming of the filibuster:

Brave Sir Robin ran away,
bravely ran away away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about,
and valiantly, he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet,
he beat a very brave retreat.
A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.

--From Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the funniest movie of all time.

Southerners

I received this in an email:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large 'nana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes is not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

Y'all come back, now. Ya heah?

Falling to Pieces

Leprosy, the contagious skin disease evoking thoughts of biblical and medieval times, is now making its mark in the United States, and many believe the influx of illegal aliens is a main factor.

"Americans should be told that diseases long eradicated in this country – tuberculosis, leprosy, polio, for example – and other extremely contagious diseases have been linked directly to illegals," Rep. J.D. Hayworth, R-Ariz., told the Business Journal of Phoenix. "For example, in 40 years, only 900 persons were afflicted by leprosy in the U.S.; in the past three years, more than 7,000 cases have been presented."

"This emerging crisis exposes the upside-down thinking of federal immigration policy," he continued. "While legal immigrants must undergo health screening prior to entering the U.S., illegal immigrants far more likely to be carrying contagious diseases are crawling under that safeguard and going undetected until they infect extraordinary numbers of American residents."

The number of cases of leprosy, now known as Hansen's disease, among immigrants to the U.S. has more than doubled since 2000, according to a news report from Columbia University.

Of course, we can't gather these people together and quarantine them; that would be profiling, and as we all know, such a thing is one of the cardinal sins in our PC world.

Besides, we reeeeely reeeeeeeeely need them to work jobs that Americans shun. Without them, our economy would collapse over night.

Maybe this story explains the Wendy's chili finger, hm?