Thursday, November 25, 2010

Monday, November 22, 2010

Don't Worry; Bend Over

Here's a little song I wrote.
I'll sing it while I search your tote:
Don't worry; bend over.
We have some Constitution trouble.
Don't you fret, we'll make it double.
Don't worry; bend over.

Somebody wants to make us dead,
And fill us full of witless dread.
Don't worry; bend over.
Our policies are quite pragmatic.
Just step into the Porn-O-matic.
Don't worry; bend over.

Before you pass that airline gate,
You first must irradiate.
Don't worry; bend over.
Won't birth no kids, no screaming brats.
You better raise yourself some cats.
Don't worry; bend over.

I've got my plunger and my gloves;
Vaseline helps me show the love.
Don't worry; bend over.
Janet said that I must grope,
But turn down offers to elope.
Don't worry; bend over.

I've been at this a real long time,
Protecting you and fighting crime.
Don't worry; bend over.
Wipe your tears, miss, and dry your eyes.
You get to fly the friendly skies.
Don't worry; but first bend over.

*With apologies to Bobby McFerrin

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"Now, How'd That Bomb-vest Get There?"

DHS may allow Muslims to pat themselves down.

Rest assured, everyone. In the event that they discover bombs, firearms, box cutters, or acidic compounds attached to their persons unbeknownst to them, they promptly will arrest, jail, indict, try, and execute themselves. Muslims are nothing if not accommodating to infidels. Just ask the Jihad Center at Ground Zero developers.

So don't worry.

Be happy.

And bend over.

Ancient Mexican Secret

You know that you're in a multicultural, diluted society when you break open your fortune cookie after eating supper at a local Chinese restaurant, and read this bit of wisdom:

"Amor es devuelto con amor."

Or, in the vulgar tongue: "Love is repaid with love."

What's next? Asking for a menu, only to have the Chinese waitress stare at you in helpless consternation, while she shrugs and utters:

"Lo siento, no hablo Ingles."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Department of TNA

"Anybody find me . . . somebody to grope!"

"This is proper TNA-approved hand technique, when fondling the genitalia of WWII veterans, toddlers in diapers, nuns, and old ladies on Hoverounds."

"Sir, let me check your nose for hidden thermonuclear devices."

"The Fourth Amendment is dead! Mission accomplished!"

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Take Your Banner Elsewhere Part II: Update

Part I

Now, after a public outcry, the school has decided that the grand old flag can come back.

Parraz says the school got flooded with so many complaints from upset parents both inside and outside of Denair that he was called into to "handle the situation."

Parraz says the school decided on Friday to allow Cody to display his flag again, and now it will be shifting its focus to the students who complained.

"In no way did we want to take that right away from Cody," Parraz told Fox40 on Friday. "…We think we know who the instigators are that were trying to do that and we need to meet with their parents and those students to just kind of explain that this isn't what we want to have. We want to make sure that our kids can appreciate a safe environment and be able to have the American flag."

They're making the right decision, but it's telling that only a huge cry of outrage from the public made them see the light. Let's see if this state of affairs lasts beyond the next Stinko de Mayo celebration.

Take Your Banner Elsewhere

Another fine example of seamless alien assimilation. And you thought mass, unrestricted immigration/migration was a negative influence on our country.

Officials in a California school district said a middle school student was told to take a U.S. flag off his bike to avoid "racial tension."

Denair Unified School District Superintendent Edward Parraz said Cody Alicea, 13, was told not to fly the U.S. flag from his bike while at Denair Middle School after complaints from other students, KCRA-TV, Sacramento, Calif., reported.

Whoever thought that we'd live to see a day when flying an American flag in America was a controversial act? I wonder which fine, upstanding race looks at a U.S. flag flapping in a California breeze and feels incensed?

"(The) First Amendment is important," Parraz said. "We want the kids to respect it, understand it, and with that comes a responsibility."

Of course, the best method of teaching respect for the First Amendment is in its deliberate violation -- especially on behalf of an unassimilable alien. Just like teaching a love for the Second Amendment entails the requirement of magazines that hold one bullet, Kevlar vests for Bambi, and door-to-door firearm confiscations.

Parraz said racial tensions boiled over at the school this year around the Cinco de Mayo holiday.

"Our Hispanic, you know, kids will, you know, bring their Mexican flags and they'll display it, and then of course the kids would do the American flag situation, and it does cause kind of a racial tension which we don't really want," Parraz said. "We want them to appreciate the cultures."

So in honor of, you know, a Mexican holiday, we'll squelch the rights of, you know, U.S. citizens, while showing utmost respect for the, you know, racial animosities, cultural intolerance, and brazen refusal of assimilation of those of Mexican extraction. Viva la raza!

Notice how relieving racial tension means accommodating the troublemakers at the expense of the innocent.

This is the bane of multiculturalism. This is vibrant diversity on full display. In pursuit of a leftist Mexitopia, no right of yours is too sacred for infringement, and no whim of the Exalted Other is too mean-spirited or petty for anything short of slavish devotion. A long-running theme of this blog going all the way back to 2004 is that unrestricted migration plus inevitable non-assimilation equals disaster for the United States of America. Down this path lies an achievement no terrorist with a suitcase nuke could hope to accomplish: the extinction of our way of life, the passing of America as we and our forefathers have known it.

We have upwards of thirty million people -- the population of a small country -- living within our borders who not only reject our culture outright, but make war on it with every method at their disposal.

We can ignore them, but they will not ignore us. They keep coming in great droves. Hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, each year. They make larger and more unreasoning demands of us -- demands with no end. Their sense of entitlement grows with their numbers. And in this tyranny of the metastasizing minority, we sit back and smile and speak of multiculturalism and diversity and tolerance. These scales will not remain balanced for much longer.

When one defines himself by his infinite tolerance, he soon becomes a slave to those less tolerant than himself.

Friday, November 12, 2010

In Honor of Our Veterans

A Nation's Strength

What makes a nation's pillars high
And it's foundations strong?
What makes it mighty to defy
The foes that round it throng?

It is not gold. Its kingdoms grand
Go down in battle shock;
Its shafts are laid on sinking sand,
Not on abiding rock.

Is it the sword? Ask the red dust
Of empires passed away;
The blood has turned their stones to rust,
Their glory to decay.

And is it pride? Ah, that bright crown
Has seemed to nations sweet;
But God has struck its luster down
In ashes at his feet.

Not gold but only men can make
A people great and strong;
Men who for truth and honor's sake
Stand fast and suffer long.

Brave men who work while others sleep,
Who dare while others fly...
They build a nation's pillars deep
And lift them to the sky.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, November 8, 2010

Like a Turkey Pines for Thanksgiving

I keep seeing bumper stickers with the caption: Miss Me Yet?, followed by a delightful photo of Jorge W. Bushandez. Let me just go ahead and assure everyone that I miss him like a Dalmatian misses Cruella de Vil. Like Dracula longs for Quincey Morris. Or a sot yearns for the good old days of Prohibition.

Here's one reason why: George W Bush: Kanye West attack was worst moment of presidency

Contemplate this revelation for a moment. On September 11, 2001, approximately three thousand innocent Americans died in the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil in our country's history. That was not the lowest point of Bush's presidency. Thousands of American soldiers have died in Iraq and Afghanistan, for reasons that baffle even those whose lifelong ambition is to drink Bush's bathwater. Seeing flag-draped coffins rolling in like parcels on a conveyor belt didn't define the nadir of his presidency. An influx of millions of illegal aliens and the cultural and economic disaster they carried with them didn't phase Bush; in fact, he loved every minute of benefiting his rich, greedy cronies with cheap labor at your expense. Neither massive spending increases signed into law by his pen, nor the financial ruination of our country manifest in bailouts and "stimulus" programs even gave him a moment's pause.

But enter a ghetto thug with an I.Q. lower than my shoe-size, a talentless punk who enjoys storming stages and horning in on the fifteen minutes of waifish music starlets, a person with all of the class of a bum made pariah amongst the other back-alley bums for his failures at personal hygiene -- that individual's opinion is what gives Dubya the wonky britches. Imagine that.

See, Kanye thought Bush was a racist because he didn't go to Nawleuhns during Hurricane Kakillya and provide each welfare case a personalized limo ride outside the radius of nature's bigotry. Why, the nerve of Bush not aiding and abetting the looters, rapists, and vandals in looting, raping, and vandalizing! And only an inveterate racist wouldn't brave the bulging levees and hold back Lake Pontchartrain by the sheer force of his will.

I can't wait to read Bush's new memoir, Mi Casa Es Su Casa. I'm sure it's full of steaming nuggets like this story.

Maybe we'll learn that he picked Dick Cheney for Vice President because his first choice got himself deported back to Mexico.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Lost in the Neverland

From The New York Times (hat tip to Vox Day):

Tuesday’s election was indeed a “shellacking” for the Democrats, as President Obama admitted after a long night of bad news. It was hardly an order from the American people to discard the progress of the last two years and start over again.

First, that this newspaper considers the last two years as indicative of progress is all you need to know about where it falls on the ideological spectrum.

That said, notice the contradictory nature of the above quote. The Democrats' annihilation in the House is not evidence that the people reject Obama's and the Democrats' agenda? Really? That's what I call keeping on the sunny side. However these leftists spin the situation, it's certainly not evidence of voter approval of the Obama/Democrat blueprint. Voter endorsement would have meant the Democrats keeping control of the House, and maybe even gaining a few seats in the House and Senate -- in other words, the polar opposite of what actually happened.

Here's the breakdown (so far) of gains and losses in the U.S. Congress between 2008 and 2010:

House Democrats: 255 (2008); 187 (2010)
House Republicans: 179 (2008); 239 (2010)

Senate Democrats: 59 (2008); 53 (2010)
Senate Republicans: 40 (2008); 46 (2010)

Obama has spent the last year and nine months ramming home unvarnished socialism with all the gentility of Farmer Brown tickling Old Bossy's tonsils from the wrong end of the cow. All the while, the Democrat Congress has served as a collective rubber stamp for his every Marxist whim. Both entities (and I use that word in the creepiest connotation possible) have spent the better part of two solid years spitting in our faces and smugly giving us the one-finger salute because we don't like it. This behavior culminated in passing socialized medicine into law, which ensures the destruction of the American healthcare system. I have never seen a more blatant disdain for the people's will than that displayed by this past Congress and the current anti-American-in-Chief. Now The New Leftist Times assures us that the embarrassing mudhole-stomping on tuesday had nothing to do with the Democrats' far-left, fringe lunatic agenda.

This kind of reality disconnect is like someone insisting that the glass is half-full, even as he watches it empty down the drain. Of course, only someone with a strong tendency toward self-delusion would champion leftist causes, in the first place.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Happy Election Day

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. -- Mark Twain

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. -- Groucho Marx

The only thing we learn from new ELECTIONS is we learned nothing from the old. -- American proverb

Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. -- Author Unknown

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. -- Will Rogers

In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. -- Charles de Gaulle

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. -- Alexis de Tocqueville

Perhaps the fact that we have seen millions voting themselves into complete dependence on a tyrant has made our generation understand that to choose one's government is not necessarily to secure freedom. -- Friedrich August Hayek

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country. -- Ambrose Bierce

Monday, November 1, 2010

Ask a Silly Question . . .

Bill Maher asks: "Am I Racist to Feel Alarmed By the Thought of Islam Taking Over the Western World?"

Yes, Bill, I'm afraid so. Just as you are Muslim if you shudder at the prospect of racists taking over the Western world.

It's gratifying that Maher believes Western civilization needs preserving, that we should mix it up a little when naming our children, instead of dubbing every single one of them "Muhammed."

"Hey, Muhammed, have you seen Muhammed?"

"Yes, he went with Muhammed over to Muhammed's house. I think they were going to pick up Muhammed, later, and go to Muhammed's Bar-and-Grill and play Whack-an-Infidel and shoot some pool."

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

"No problem, Mo. Tell Muhammedette I said 'Hi.' "

Muslims sure are an imaginative lot.

Monikers aside, I wish Bill Maher and other incisive cultural commentators would learn the simple, fundamental truth that Islam is not a race. Just as the Borders-Are-For-Cartographers Club needs to learn that Mexican is not a race. Neither is LGBT (Lettuce, Guacamole, Beef, Tomato), morbidly obese, pothead, Democrat (redundant, I know), or Obamoid -- although I admit that the last form a constellation unto themselves.

Coming soon: Bill ponders, "Am I a Thuggee assassin if I don't like figure skating?"