"Now, How'd That Bomb-vest Get There?"

DHS may allow Muslims to pat themselves down.

Rest assured, everyone. In the event that they discover bombs, firearms, box cutters, or acidic compounds attached to their persons unbeknownst to them, they promptly will arrest, jail, indict, try, and execute themselves. Muslims are nothing if not accommodating to infidels. Just ask the Jihad Center at Ground Zero developers.

So don't worry.

Be happy.

And bend over.