Thursday, May 27, 2010

Don't Tell My Tart, My Skanky Raunchy Tart

Miley Cyrus has her very own bump 'n grind video, in which she instructs Hannah Montana fans in the proper method of performing a simulated sex act on the dance floor.

A pair of short - shorts: $15.

Parental absence: worth one full night of debauchery.

Rubbing one's buttocks on the crotch of a homosexual movie producer of the opposite sex: priceless.

Demonstrating uncanny parenting skills and moral outrage at his daughter's behavior, Billy Ray Cyrus announced to the public that, "It's what people her age do."

So if Miley ever wants to sample crack cocaine, we now know of an unassailable argument she can use with her loving father:

"But, Daddy-O, like, other girls my age do it, and, like, they love it!"

At which point Billy Ray's heart will melt; naturally he'll defer to his little striplet, who knows best.

He went on to say that she was "just having fun."

I wonder if Lindsay Lohan's parents made similar remarks, after she chug-a-lugged her first beer? Now she's singing "How Dry I Am" under the bridge uptown with Mr. "Hic" Q. Wino.

It seems Miley Cyrus is following in a long line of once-chaste, now-trollop starlets. Her mentors are Stripley Spears, Christina Stripmebarea, Striponcé, and Jessica Stripson, among other high-paid pole-dancers.

And good ol' Billy Ray? Well, he's less her father, and more her pimp.

No comments: