Friday, March 12, 2010

New Yuck: Almost Eden

I kept hearing this annoying, nigh - utopian song blaring from loudspeakers, everywhere I went. Inside stores, on the radio, even at restaurants. The thought occured to me that it's an insidious Yankee plot to drive us poor Southron folks out of our minds. My morbid curiosity bested me, so I looked it up on the Internet. It's called "Empire State of Mind," by Jay - Z and Alicia Keys. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

New York!
Congrete jungles where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can't do,
Now you're in New York!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
The lights will inspire you.
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York!

Are these idiots kidding? Setting aside the questionable grammar of the first line, it's a place "where dreams are made of?" Jay - Z might want to lay off the endo, because that's -- hands down -- the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Besides the Statue of Liberty and the old Ellis Island, I can't imagine why I'd ever want to step foot in that bubbling, reeking cesspool of crime, teeming with illegal aliens and multicultism run amok. Where's the allure in visiting the human equivalent of a beehive, filled with mindless, leftist drones enraptured by their own self - importance? It's a congregated mass of morons who believe that every inch of America between themselves and Los Angeles and San Francisco is flyover country. Most of these people spit on your amber waves of grain.

I understand a love of New York City, if one's goal is cultivating and retaining celebrity status. Otherwise, I can't think of a better candidate for secession -- or, better yet, expulsion.

And for the love of all that is holy and sane, Take Chimpan - Z and Alicia Keys with you.

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