Sunday, October 1, 2006

Progressive Glossary II

The Bible: A metaphysical fictional tome. Makes great kindling.

Abraham Lincoln: America's approximation of the Messiah. Preserved the Union from dissolution threatened by ignorant, savage slavers.

The Civil War: American conflict in which pigmentally gifted people were freed from the tyranny of hillbilly Nazis.

Slavery: A barbaric institution, in which pigmentally challenged people stole the liberty of pigmentally gifted people. Began about 1500 hundred; ended in 1865. It's like had never darkened the pages of history before, nor has it since. Sole province of the pigmentally challenged.

Illegal Alien: Extraterrestrial without a passport. Sometimes erroneously associated with Mexicans and others gaining unlawful entry into the U.S. interior.

Mexicans: People who epitomize virtue and hard work. AKA "Family People."

Family Values: Characteristics of Mexicans within U.S. borders. No relation to mafia comradery.

Wetback: A racist epithet.

Honkey: A benign descriptive term.

Arab: Muslim.

Muslims: Arabs. Followers of the Religion of Peace. Purveyors of enlightenment to humanity, via the preservation of classical knowledge liberated from European, Christian and Byzantine oppressors. AKA "Muhammed's Peaceniks."

Jew: Makes great kindling. See lamp shade and mobile target for further details.

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