I'll Be Bahk

It seems my modem was fricaseed like a liberal's brain matter, so it's off to the shop we go. I should be back online in a few days. Y'all have fun, until I return.

A Tale of Two Teddys

"In the first place we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American, and nothing but an American...

There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." --Theodore Roosevelt, 1919

Some in Congress want to turn America away from its true spirit. They believe immigrants are criminals and they're wrong. They believe any of us who help immigrants, even our priests, are criminals, too. They are wrong again. They say, "You should report to deport." I say, "Report and become American citizens." --Ted "Quisling" Kennedy, October 20, 1994, on the campaign trail in Mass-a-too-sis

Buenas tardes. (Good afternoon) Gracias por darme la oportunidad de estar en este evento. (Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be at this event) y gracias por demandar justicia para todos los emigrantes (and thank you for demanding justice for all the immigrants.) Hasta la victoria!! (To victory!!) Si su puede!! (Yes we can!!)--Ted "Salvador" Kennedy, April 10, 2006, in a speech to his future constituents at an Immigration rally in Washington, D.C., at which many attendees were illegal aliens

So this is what they mean by "progressive politics": from statesmen to seditionists in less than a century.

Sorry, Wrong Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife


Subject: I've Arrived
Date: February 18, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

The Ignored Majority

Recent images of seas of illegal aliens marching in cities across the U.S. are having a far greater negative than positive impact on the foreigners' cause, according to a new poll.

A Zogby survey of nearly 8,000 people shows coast-to-coast protests against immigration proposals in Congress – particularly to make it a federal felony to be an illegal worker in the U.S. – have not persuaded a majority of likely American voters.

Asked whether the protests have made likely voters more or less sympathetic toward undocumented workers, 61 percent said they're less likely to be sympathetic to the plight of illegals as a result of the protests, while only 32 percent of respondents said they're now more sympathetic.

And while 56 percent of Democrats said the protests made them feel more sympathy for unlawful workers, just 6 percent of Republicans felt that way.

The survey also shows an overwhelming majority of Americans – nearly 4 out 5 – is doubtful President Bush and Congress will find a fair and effective solution to the immigration crisis. While 88 percent of Democrats and 85 percent of independents said it's unlikely a solution will be found, 66 percent of Republicans agreed.

Doubt about the prospect of Washington's success on the issue spreads across all geographic and racial demographics, the survey shows.

One in four – 26 percent – said they were concerned America's southern border may be the entry point for terrorists intent on attacking the U.S.

A majority of Americans said they oppose amnesty for illegals who already reside in this nation. While 52 percent said there should be no amnesty, 32 percent said they'd favor it.

Manipulating poll questions for a desired result is easy and necessary for political hacks whose careers wither or thrive in the polls. What I find interesting is not the results of this one poll, per se, but that pretty much all of the polls say the same thing: America sees a serious problem in rampant illegal immigration, and finds no solution of any value forthcoming from those elected to represent us.

Tooty Fruity at Mount Doom

Possibly taking a cue from the controversial film "Brokeback Mountain," marketers at the cable network TBS are broadcasting a promotion for this weekend's showing of two "Lord of the Rings" films that suggests characters Sam and Frodo are homosexual lovers.

The Internet is abuzz with talk about the video, which shows short clips of the two interacting over the playing of Atlantic Starr's '80s song "Secret Lovers."

"Are Sam and Frodo a little more than friends? Not that there's anything wrong with that," states the TBS webpage leading to several video promotions of the "Rings" features.

The clip has the two hobbits casting pleasant glances at one another in various scenes, including one in which Frodo declares to Sam, "I'm glad you're with me."

Jokes don't bother me; I enjoy a good jest. But if you seriously believe Frodo and Sam were light in the loafers, all I can say is you haven't read the books. There is not the slightest indication in The Lord of the Rings that they were homosexuals. Not one breathless utterance of the word "fabulous!" when Sam saw and admired Frodo's new hiking shoes. Not one suggestion that Frodo wear matching earrings with the One Ring. Not one bathhouse visit in Hobbiton or Bree.

Among other things, the story is about lifelong friendship and the sacrifices this sometimes entails. Given the rampant promiscuity of the average homosexual, I don't expect them to have an inkling of an idea about such fast relationships. Do we now live in a world in which two men cannot be good friends without having aspersions cast upon them?

Two final points of interest:

It's funny how we are told, time and again, that homosexuality is wonderful, perfectly normal, and a legitimate lifestyle alternative. The very networks, production companies, and individuals who champion this notion then come along and use homosexuality as a belittlement of people, as a means of degrading them. Pretty bizarre, no?

Also, I don't find it coincidental that such besmirchment is leveled at a literary work written by a man who was a Christian.

You Jest Might Be a Liberal: Part 2

If you believe Howard Dean fits the legal definition of sanity. . .you jest might be liberal.

If you believe John Kerry is more lively than a cigar-store Indian. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you don't believe John Edwards is a metrosexual. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe Algore is human. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe Bill Clinton could exercise zipper control in an AIDS-ridden African village. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe Man devolved from apes. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If Karl Marx is your greatest philosophical influence. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe the Hanoi Hilton provided three hots and a cot for its guests. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you spit and mumble the words "baby killers" under your breath every time someone mentions Vietnam veterans. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you were terrified of invading Iraq for fear of the horrors Saddam might unleash on our troops, but insist that Bush lied about WMDs. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you drive a diesel pickup truck or SUV while screeching about global warming doomsday scenarios and oil conservation. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If your favorite song is "Feelings " or "Imagine". . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you don't use The New York Times in house training your puppy. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe there is a right-wing media bias. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe religious conviction is a sure sign of mental instability, with the exception of self-detonating, America-loathing Muslims. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If any of the above ticks you off. . .you jest might be a liberal.

Resurrection Sunday

"Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there."--(Clarence W. Hall)

"Jesus cannot forget us; we have been graven on the palms of his hands."--(Lois Picillo)

"We believe that the history of the world is but the history of His influence and that the center of the whole universe is the cross of Calvary.--(Alexander Maclaren)

"All heaven is interested in the cross of Christ, all hell terribly afraid of it, while men are the only beings who more or less ignore its meaning."--(Oswald Chambers)

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?"--(Jesus Christ - John 11:25, 26)

"Going Once, Going Twice, Sold!"

From Frank Gaffney, Jr.'s article in The Washington Times, April 4, 2006:

The Congress has received lots of free advice lately from Mexican government officials and illegal aliens waving Mexico's flag in mass demonstrations coast-to-coast. Most of it takes the form of bitter complaints about our actual or prospective treatment of immigrants from that country who have gotten into this one illegally -- or who aspire to do so.

If you think these critics are mad about U.S. immigration policy now, imagine how upset they would be if we adopted an approach far more radical than the bill they rail against that was adopted last year by the House of Representatives -- namely, the way Mexico treats illegal aliens.

. . .Mexico deals harshly not only with illegal immigrants. It treats even legal immigrants, naturalized citizens and foreign investors in ways that would, by the standards of those who carp about U.S. immigration policy, have to be called "racist" and "xenophobic."

For example, according to an official translation published by the Organization of American States, the Mexican constitution includes the following restrictions:

Pursuant to Article 33, "Foreigners may not in any way participate in the political affairs of the country." This ban applies, among other things, to participation in demonstrations and the expression of opinions in public about domestic politics like those much in evidence in Los Angeles, New York and elsewhere in recent days.

•Equal employment rights are denied to immigrants, even legal ones. Article 32: "Mexicans shall have priority over foreigners under equality of circumstances for all classes of concessions and for all employment, positions or commissions of the Government in which the status of citizenship is not indispensable."

•Jobs for which Mexican citizenship is considered "indispensable" include, pursuant to Article 32, bans on foreigners, immigrants and even naturalized citizens of Mexico serving as military officers, Mexican-flagged ship and airline crew, and chiefs of seaports and airports.

Article 55 denies immigrants the right to become federal lawmakers. A Mexican congressman or senator must be "a Mexican citizen by birth." Article 91 further stipulates that immigrants may never aspire to become cabinet officers, as they are required to be Mexican by birth. Article 95 says the same about Supreme Court justices.

In accordance with Article 130, immigrants -- even legal ones -- may not become members of the clergy, either.

•Foreigners, to say nothing of illegal immigrants, are denied fundamental property rights. For example, Article 27 states, "Only Mexicans by birth or naturalization and Mexican companies have the right to acquire ownership of lands, waters and their appurtenances, or to obtain concessions for the exploitation of mines or of waters."

•Article 11 guarantees federal protection against "undesirable aliens resident in the country." What is more, private individuals are authorized to make citizen's arrests. Article 16 states, "In cases of flagrante delicto, any person may arrest the offender and his accomplices, turning them over without delay to the nearest authorities." In other words, Mexico grants its citizens the right to arrest illegal aliens and hand them over to police for prosecution. Imagine the Minutemen exercising such a right.

•The Mexican constitution states that foreigners -- not just illegal immigrants -- may be expelled for any reason and without due process. According to Article 33, "the Federal Executive shall have the exclusive power to compel any foreigner whose remaining he may deem inexpedient to abandon the national territory immediately and without the necessity of previous legal action."

. . .we should not allow the hypocrisy of others' treatment of undocumented aliens in their countries to induce us to refrain from taking effective steps to prevent further illegal immigration:

So, to recap:

1. No foreigners in politics.
2. No demonstrations.
3. No public complaints about Mexican policies.
4. No equal employment rights.
5. No military officers, ship or airline crews, or sea- or airport chiefs hailing from foreign lands.
6. No foreigners may serve as clergy.
7. No property rights, at least when involving land.
8. Regular citizens may arrest and detain illegal aliens.
9. No due process.

It may surprise some of my readers that none of these restrictions bother me, when extended to illegal aliens within Mexico. I like these ideas. When it comes to legal aliens, the situation becomes more problematic. Restriction 9, for example, seems a bit out of kilter.

The whole point of this is demonstrating the Mexican government's rank hypocrisy, when its leaders criticize and look down their noses at the U.S. for far more lenient policies they neither share nor like. It also paints a rather clownish and sinister face on the morons railing in the streets and waving Mexican flags--oops, I forgot, they've changed their tactics, and now are displaying American flags. One minute, it's a "stolen continent," the next, it's wave Old Glory and weep for all that she represents. Give me a break.

The Mexican government is full of it, brimming with it, in fact, as has been the case since before Santa Anna floundered his way to bright and shining failure in the Mexican War; the welfare cases masquerading as peaceful protesters in our streets are draining leeches on a good day, and criminal invaders on a bad one; and the buffoons on Capitol Hill are traitorous pimps who would delightedly whore out their own mothers for a few extra votes.

Sorry my characterization is somewhat less than genteel, but I'm fed up with these vermin who supposedly represent "The People."

Too bad those people don't speak English or--in many cases-- share our values.

You Know You're from Tennessee IF. . .

You've never met any celebrities....other than Fred Thompson.

"Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

You laugh when people from anywhere north of TN tries to say or spell "y'all".

It's "Mar-vull" not "Mary-ville" It's "Knox-vull" not "Knox-ville".

A tabogan is a hat, not a sled.

You butter your hot biscuit by cutting it open, putting a slab of butter inside and closing it back up again.

Every town in East Tennesse has a "strip" and they're not particularly safe to be in at night.

Pigeon Forge is not pronounced with a French accent.

Gatlinburg does have an "L" in it and it should be pronounced.

Sales tax is 9.5%.

You shop at Walmart for groceries, not at a grocery store.

You don't drive in Knoxville on game-day. EVER.

You or your friends chew.

You can't remember the last time you saw snow.

You have a "piss on" sticker on your car window.

You know when Elvis Presley Day is.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Tennessee.

(Thanks to Heidi for the link).

You Jest Might Be a Liberal: Part 1

If you think Godzilla did less damage to Tokyo than Newt Gingrich did to America's cultural and political landscape. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think "Uncle Joe" Stalin was a misunderstood revolutionary icon, but Dubya is evil incarnate. . .you jest might be a liberal.

I you think the only good fetus is a dead fetus. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe Satan cries out in his sleep when Ronald Reagan invades his dreams. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe human life is worth less than a plugged nickel, but you'll fight to the death for a Bantam rooster's salvation from the Colonel. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If Big Brother is your sugar daddy. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think Eminem is a genius. . .you jest might be a liberal. . .and an idiot.

If you DON'T think Brokeback Mountain is a sign of brokedown morals. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think the only difference between women and men is that women are superior to men . . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe illegal aliens should be a privileged, protected minority, and can't wait for the day when they become a majority. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think shredding, stomping, burning, or spitting upon the American flag is an exercise of your First Amendment rights. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think the First Amendment exists only for those who shred, stomp, burn, or spit upon the American flag. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think having a strong welfare state and a weak military is a good idea. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think Je$$e Jack$on, Al $harpton, and Loui$ Farrakhan are the modern equivalents of Moses, Aaron, and their racist brother Moishe. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think Ebonics should be the national language of the United States. . .you jest might be a liberal.

Aliens Among Us

An Alabama employment agency that sent 70 laborers and construction workers to job sites in that state in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina says the men were sent home after just two weeks on the job by employers who told them "the Mexicans had arrived" and were willing to work for less.

Linda Swope, who operates Complete Employment Services Inc. in Mobile, Ala., told The Washington Times last week that the workers -- whom she described as U.S. citizens, residents of Alabama and predominantly black -- had been "urgently requested" by contractors hired to rebuild and clear devastated areas of the state, but were told to leave three job sites when the foreign workers showed up.

"After Katrina, our company had 70 workers on the job the first day, but the companies decided they didn't need them anymore because the Mexicans had arrived," Mrs. Swope said. "I assure you it is not true that Americans don't want to work.

Mrs. Swope said employment agencies throughout Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi faced similar problems, when thousands of men from Mexico and several Central and South American countries -- many in crowded buses and trucks -- came into the three states after Katrina, looking for employment and willing to work for less money.

The number of foreign workers who flooded the area after the hurricane has been estimated at more than 30,000. Many of them have been identified by law-enforcement authorities and others as illegal aliens.

Many of the illegal aliens came into the Gulf Coast states not only from south of the border but also from California, Arizona and Texas, responding to the demand for workers. U.S. Border Patrol officials in the three states have reported an increase in the number of illegals apprehended.

Government estimates put at 400,000 the number of jobs lost in the Gulf region as a result of Katrina, which displaced more than 1.5 million people, and many of those workers left the area to seek employment elsewhere because available construction, laborer and cleanup jobs in Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi had been filled by foreign workers, including illegal aliens.

Would-be employers in Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi, awash in cleanup and reconstruction jobs, faced little in the way of legal problems in hiring the illegal aliens after Katrina because the Department of Homeland Security temporarily suspended the sanctioning of employers who hired workers unable to document their citizenship.

"The men we sent to jobs in Alabama were local fellows looking for work, men who needed jobs," Mrs. Swope said. "After driving 50 miles to the work sites where they had been promised $10 an hour, they discovered the employers had found substitutes who were willing to work for less."

There's not much to say to this, except that it turns my stomach.

Readin', 'Ritin', 'N Ruttin'

Did y'all catch this story?

A 34-year-old teacher from the Brandywine School District has been charged with having a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old student.

Rachel L. Holt, a science teacher at Claymont Elementary School, allegedly had sex with the boy 28 times during one week in March, according to New Castle County police spokesman Cpl. Trinidad Navarro.

Twenty-eight times? That's an average of four times a day for seven days. Good grief; a rabbit on Viagra could take a few pointers from her.

Police say the alleged incidents happened March 24 through March 31 at the woman's home and that a 12-year-old classmate observed at least one of the alleged incidents.

The meanings of extra credit and homework sure have changed since I was a kid.

How many more of these stories do we have to read, before people get a clue and pull their children out of these dens of iniquity?

600

My last post marks the six hundredth on this blog. Can you believe it? I know Bane churns out half that many in a week, but still, I consider it quite an accomplishment. I wonder how many words that is, in total? These blogs used to have word-count mechanisms, but Blogger got cheap on us and I found that mine had disappeared.

Anyway, it's a milestone of sorts, so I thought I'd give it a little recognition.

A Prayer Request

Eaglewood and his wife are experiencing a time of grief and loss. I humbly ask that everyone keep them in their prayers. Thank you.

God bless and keep them both.

And the Stupid Shall Inherit Academia

A Florida State University researcher believes he has a natural explanation for the biblical account of Jesus' miraculous walk on the surface of the Sea of Galilee – ice.

Professor of Oceanography Doron Nof and the co-authors of his study theorize that a rare combination of optimal water and atmospheric conditions resulted in a unique, localized freezing phenomenon called "springs ice. . ."

A frozen patch of ice floating on the surface of the lake would be difficult to distinguish from the surrounding unfrozen water, making it appear as if Jesus were walking on water, according to the theory.

Yet another theory porporting that Jesus was a deceptive charlatan, and that his disciples collectively had IQs lower than those of Galilean fishies. How original.

"If you ask me if I believe someone walked on water, no, I don't," he told Reuters. "Maybe somebody walked on the ice, I don't know. I believe that something natural was there that explains it."

What a surprise. Of course, his assumption--without evidence-- is that Jesus was not God, nor could he perform miracles. Start with a faulty premise, draw a faulty conclusion. "Scientists" have a corner on this market. Once you rule out the miraculous up front, any explanation--even the laughable--is fair game.

Imagine such a stroll. Jesus must've practiced quite a bit in the art of floe-hopping, otherwise he would've floundered like a penguin on a newly-waxed floor. And Peter--poor, clueless, mentally stunted Peter--just couldn't figure out the gag.

"Pick on Vox"-Day

Sure, the knuckle-dragging feminists hate him, as do rosewater-sniffing leftists, and just about everyone else; and they mock him to scorn accordingly.

But what about his supporters? What of those who like him and think he has many valuable insights into politics and American culture? Shouldn't we have the opportunity to jab him with a poker, once in a while?

I believe the answer is a resounding yes, so being a rabid supporter of egalitarianism in this one, isolated instance, I've penned the following limerick:


Vox Poetri


There once was an A.I. named Vox
Who envied our pate-spanning locks.
Myths of rife rapers
Gave him the vapors.
Now he's touting plural wedlocks.

Angels or Devils

It seems that many people I encounter online regard the police from one of two perspectives:

1. Those who believe each policeman is a secret initiate into a new Nazi Schutzstaffel, complete with polished jackboots, who attends brainstorming sessions each day, in hopes of formulating a plan for framing elderly matrons for church arsons and the like. These guys take great pleasure in abusing their fellow man; heck, it's why they joined the force.

2. Those who believe each policeman is a saint, and if you just look hard enough, you'll see the little halo hovering over his head. Without exception, they wear huge "S" insignias on their shirts beneath their uniforms. And yes, they can fly. Their existence revolves around protecting and serving the public. It's why they draw breath.

But I subscribe to a different view. I believe the system itself is corrupt, rotten from top to bottom, but the police are a mixed bag. As individuals, some are lowlife dredged from sewers, thugs with badges; and others are honorable people who genuinely want to help the citizenry and make society better.

A couple of days ago, I saw an officer abuse his public trust. I was driving down the road, on my way home, when a police car zoomed up behind me, seemingly from out of nowhere, and tailgated me for the next mile or so. When I came to a stop sign and halted, he pulled up beside me and made a right turn, before I brought my car to a standstill. His failures? Speeding, not coming to a complete halt at a stop sign, and no turning signal. All of these are offenses that would buy me a ticket, were I in his place--or at least the potential for such an outcome is there.

Some might suggest: "What if he was responding to a call?" I can't rule this out as a possibility, but I offer this food for thought. 1. Sometimes people get in a hurry, and it isn't job-related; are police immune to this temptation? 2. Why were his lights and sirens inactive? In that scenario, I would've pulled over and let him pass me, with no complaint.

It irks me when people who have the authority--at their discretion--to penalize others for traffic violations commit the same offenses. And the likelihood of a reprimand or significant consequences for this is the same as Oliver Stone renouncing Marx and becoming a flagellant monk.

I realize this behavior is mild compared to some situations, but it gives those who do their best and present themselves as sterling examples a bad name.