You Jest Might Be a Liberal: Part 1

If you think Godzilla did less damage to Tokyo than Newt Gingrich did to America's cultural and political landscape. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think "Uncle Joe" Stalin was a misunderstood revolutionary icon, but Dubya is evil incarnate. . .you jest might be a liberal.

I you think the only good fetus is a dead fetus. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe Satan cries out in his sleep when Ronald Reagan invades his dreams. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe human life is worth less than a plugged nickel, but you'll fight to the death for a Bantam rooster's salvation from the Colonel. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If Big Brother is your sugar daddy. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think Eminem is a genius. . .you jest might be a liberal. . .and an idiot.

If you DON'T think Brokeback Mountain is a sign of brokedown morals. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think the only difference between women and men is that women are superior to men . . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you believe illegal aliens should be a privileged, protected minority, and can't wait for the day when they become a majority. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think shredding, stomping, burning, or spitting upon the American flag is an exercise of your First Amendment rights. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think the First Amendment exists only for those who shred, stomp, burn, or spit upon the American flag. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think having a strong welfare state and a weak military is a good idea. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think Je$$e Jack$on, Al $harpton, and Loui$ Farrakhan are the modern equivalents of Moses, Aaron, and their racist brother Moishe. . .you jest might be a liberal.

If you think Ebonics should be the national language of the United States. . .you jest might be a liberal.