Sunday, February 14, 2010

Mental Effluvia

Tip for young women: When it's thirty - five degrees outside, a sweatshirt and shorts probably isn't the best shopping ensemble at your local supercenter. And I'm not talking regular short pants, here; I mean hot pink ones that ensure a glimpse of the promised land if Buffy ever takes a notion to bend over.


Darwiniacs have taught us that the peer review process is eminently scientific. Intelligent Design is not allowed in peer reviewed publications, due to its unscientific nature. And the reason we know that ID is unscientific is because it is barred from peer - reviewed journals.


If the Morbid Professor had taken a ride on Ol' Sparky's lap back in 1986 for her brother's murder, we wouldn't be talking about three dead people at the University of Alabama, today.


Until the advent of Twilight, I had no idea that vampires were so sexy, or that they shimmer with an angelic aura like Barack Obama when sunlight caresses their skin. I look forward to the next installment in the series, Confessions of a Necrophiliac.


To Chris Matthews: When you're feeling down in the dumps from all that manure - slinging you do for the Left, just remember that tingly feeling you get every time Obama winks at you. It might help you forget for a while that he's a socialist. Watch out for his wife, though; I'm sure she's less than ecstatic that her hubby gets you more aroused than Algore at Copenhagen. Remember some of the smouldering glares she gave Oprah while she fawned all over him? Let's put it this way: if looks could kill, the talk - show queen / New Age guru / weight - loss maven would have been a congealing, mewling puddle on the floor.

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