Thursday, February 14, 2008

Big Endorsement

"Howdy, folks. I believe the Right Honorable Juan McAmnesty will make an excellent President of the United States of Aztlanica. He's a strong conservative--and by "strong conservative," I mean someone who strongly believes in the empowerment of our divine elder sibling, Big Brother. Take campaign finance reform as an example: Juan believes "there's too much money in politics;" and I agree, one hunnert percent. So what better solution than ensuring that only the most fabulously wealthy citizens can afford to run a political campaign? Makes perfect sense to me. After all, wealth=virtue. We must keep all the Middle and Lower class riffraff as far away from the presidency as an Iranian mullah from a suitcase nuke.

"Additionally, my friend Juan has assured me that he will not stop until everyone on Earth's an Aztlanican. He's a strong proponent of immigration reform--and by "reform," I mean erasing all our borders, welcoming aliens with open arms--especially those of third-world, non-European ancestry--and creating a heterodisingenuous polyglot of perfection, a stock-pot of Balkanized municipalities and communities, a Promised Land where the Amero is our lingua franca, and skin colors, religions, loyalties, and worldviews change starkly, depending upon which side of the street you're standing.

"So I ask potential voters one question: who better than a man who believes in cultural incohesion, and simultaneous unbridled federal power?

"Juan McAmnesty is a true statesman for the twenty-first century. Let him provide amnesty from your doubts and fears."

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