Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Progressive Glossary IV

Nancy Pelosi: Shield-maiden for progress.

People of Color: Abused minorities.

Caucasian: Colorless, drab individuals harboring pro-slavery views. Born racists. See Pigmentally-Challenged for more details.

Global Warming: The most dire threat to the continued existence of humynity--far surpassing that of terrorism, nuclear proliferation, or democide.

Native-Americans: Pacifist earth worshippers and keepers of the environment. Harbor a close-knit kinship with the fields, streams, trees, skies, animals, and the universe. Wakened Caucasians to far horizons of thought, through the use of peyote. Instructed the pigmentally-challenged in the deadly consequences of Earth-rape. Taught the Pilgrims how to pray to the Great Spirit.

Aztecs: A peaceful Mexican tribe decimated by pigmentally-challenged imperialists in the 1500s.

Conquistador: Purveyor of genocide.

Christopher Columbus: Genocidal madman. Discovered America after the Chinese, Japanese, Vikings, Mongols, Antarctic penguins, and pygmies.

Rudyard Kipling: Imperialist racist.

The White Man's Burden: Inherent racism and wanton stupidity.

Che Guevara: Heroic Cuban revolutionary progressive. Murdered by McCarthyites in South America.

Karl Marx: The inventor of progress.

Lenin: The prime mover of progress.

Josef Stalin: A jolly old elf--not unlike Santa Claus--who oversaw progress at its height.

Mao: Chinese follower of Stalin's progressive policies. Solved overpopulation problem in China.

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