Monday, July 10, 2006

Viva la Invasion!

I always enjoy my trips to Wal-Mart. Not only are they loads of fun--what with the long waits in line as I stare at the numerous vacant cash registers and being jostled by the dull-minded crowds--but they're educational, as well.

For example, as I walked the aisles, tonight, I learned that we have a new, specially set-aside DVD section in the Spanish language. Ditto for CDs. These sure are godsends, here in Hillbilly Holler, where we all speak fluent Spanish. We also have ball caps with the word "MEXICO" printed boldly across the fronts, topped by a Mexican flag. I remember asking for one of those for Cinco de Mayo, last year, but nobody remembered. Now I can purchase my very own. Also, they sport a new Hispanic section in the grocery. I love it! I've wondered for years what Brach's tequila-worm candy and Chihuahua kabobs taste like, and now I have the opportunity to find out. One precious memory I'll cherish forever harkens back to the renovation job Wal-Mart finished a couple of months ago. I found an aisle newly stocked with Catholic candles--you know the ones, with saints and the virgin Mary painted on them--with a little sign taped above that said "CANDLES--MEXICAN EMPHASIS." That's subtlety for you. But the best part is the roving knots of Mexicans wandering about the store, brazenly speaking Spanish. I saw ten or twelve, just tonight, and not one spoke English. It has become impossible to make a foray to Wal-Mart without running across several. That this is worthy of mention becomes apparent, given that such a thing was unheard of, five short years ago. I'm often tempted to screech "INS!" at the top of my voice, and watch them flee the premises like rats deserting a sinking ship.

I suppose my discombobulation is a sign that I'm geting old. I'm just not down with the Mexican colonial project currently underway in my home state, aided and abetted by our treasonous government, in tandem with good old American businesses like Wal-Mart, who would sell soul, body, and country for a buck.

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