Utopian Decalogue

1. Thou shalt have no gods before Almighty Big Brother.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it be in the likeness of our hallowed precursors, Charles Darwin and Karl Marx, our beloved Saint Hillary of Little-Rock-on-the-Hudson, or the first black president of the United States, Bill Clinton.

3. Thou shalt not speak the name of Ronald Reagan or Richard Nixon--in vain, or otherwise.

4. Remember Earth Day, to keep it holy.

5. Honor thy father and thy father, or thy mother and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which thy benefactors in seats of power giveth thee.

6. Thou shalt not kill, unless thy victim be in utero.

7. Thou shalt not commit monogamy.

8. Thou shalt not steal outside the aegis of elected office.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor without prior compensation.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, nor his wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's; for there is no need in equality; from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.

For the State giveth, and the State taketh away; blessed be the name of the State.