Gollum for President

After a long and agonizing process, I've settled on the ideal third-party candidate--

Gollum.

Here's a brief excerpt of a recent speech:

"We wantssss it, we doessss. Give it to ussss! The presssidency, preciousssss! No more Kerryses. No more Bushes. Gollum. Gollum. All this talk of bifactionalissm hurtss uss. It burnsss uss. Smeagol hatesss it, precioussssss. Wantss to rip out their lying bonesses and gnaw the marrow, we doess. Staw away from Demo-orcsess and Republigoblinss! Yesssssss! Gollum. Gollum.

Oh, well. Perhaps he's not the most articulate frog in the pond. But voting for him makes almost as much sense, preciouss.