Monday, November 5, 2012

Westradamus Divines the Entrails Again

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away,
A Mulatto Messiah did arise.
"Four more years," we heard the ages chant,
As the great Romnoid slouched toward Gomorrah to be born.

Or something like that. I'm going on record and predicting a Romney win in the 2012 presidential election. I have surveyed the secrets of the stars, read What Is To Come in the swirl of Lipton's** sweet leaves, and sought forbidden knowledge in the clatter of dead men's bones. I even have consulted Oz the Great and Powerful; after rejecting my request for a brain, he bestowed upon me the power of prognostication. You takes what you gets.

Anyway, I anticipate a Romney win of three hundred electoral votes, or more. Most polls skew toward Obama, but they have the reliability of a politician's promise. And the mainstream media are as biased in Obama's favor as most people are their own children over those of Venusian strangers. So ignore the polls and the condescension of the talking heads. Just listen to me, for I have consulted Joseph Smith's crystal ball, and his shade has assured me of Romney's victory.

In a distant age, people will make obeisance to the great god Mittra as he rules over his own planetary system, watching as his people squabble and fight in great social and political upheavals, tut-tutting as false half-messiahs raise up their ugly heads and challenge the established order; and he will sigh and think fondly of a far-off place, a world lost to time and legend, known as Earth; and he will remember that his road to divinity began in the 2012 presidential election in an insignificant and long-forgotten country called the United States of America.

Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair!!!

**I have received no remuneration from Lipton or Argyll Foods. I merely mentioned Lipton because it is a famous, pleasant-tasting brand of tea. If the owners of Lipton or Argyll Foods wish further product placement on Animate Matters, please contact me at the email address located in the top right-hand corner of this blog, or in my profile, and I will be happy to have my loyuh hash out an acceptable compensation package satisfactory to all parties. Thank you for your time and attention.


Monster said...

Heh heh. Mittra. Nice one.

Wes said...

I would be remiss if I didn't point out that my prediction was . . uh . . slightly off.

joek said...

"Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Wes said...

No kidding!