Mel in a Handbasket

Here's a transcript of Mel Gibson's latest telephone conversation with Oksana Golddiggereva, the mother of his "love" child. WARNING: Nonsense ahead. Reader discretion is advised:


Mel: "You may take my money, but you'll never take . . . my soul!"


Oksana: "Are you insane-sky?"


Mel: "#!@%$">#!@%$/a>^&;*()."


Oksana: "You need medication."


Mel: "(&;%#!)*^$@."


Oksana: "And a muzzle."


Mel: "@$^*)+_(&;%#!."


Oksana: "Could you repeat last part? Everything after @$^*)."


Mel: "I said, "@$^*)+_(&;%#!."


Oksana: "Oh, I see. I always wondered how to do that."


Mel: "!@#$%^&*()_++_)(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!"


Oksana: "You complete me, too, Max -- uh, I mean Mel. Anyhoo-sky, boyfriend's crying, and needs changing. Or maybe burping. Conchita will take good care of daughter while I'm gone to Riviera with Fabio. I'll be independently wealthy in no time, this you must understand."


Mel: "!#%&(_+)*^$@!_@)(#($*%&%^!"


Oksana: "Mel, there's sucker born every minute. As beautiful Russian woman, is duty to drain every last ruble from accounts, like Yeltsin depleted Vodka supply, nyet? Toodlesky."


Mel: @$^*)+_(&%#!@$^*)+_(&%#!@$^*)+_(&%#!@$^*)+_(&%#!@$^*)+_(&%#!@$^*)+_(&%#!@$!!@@##$$%%^^&&***^$@!#%&*(^%$#@!"