Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Euro Invaders Need Not Apply

U.S. deporting Christian pastors:

Honesty could cost Christian pastor Keith Thomas his citizenship because he cooperated with immigration officials, disclosing two minor marijuana convictions he incurred when he was a young man in England 33 years ago.

Thomas, 53, is working without pay, fearing deportation from the U.S. and separation from his family. He was denied a green card based on convictions that were expunged in 1982. Thomas told WND he has documentation to prove his clean record since the 1975 conviction and that he has always been truthful with officials, but he doesn't understand why people who enter the country illegally are allowed to stay when he is facing the citizenship battle of his life.

Pastor Thomas, you need to get with the times, amigo. Just dye your skin brown, change your name to Paco Taco, and affect a crayzee lateeno accent, like joo hardlee speek Eeengleesh. Joo know wha-dye-meen, mayn? Better yet, just dispense with Eeengleesh all together and learn Spanish. It’ll come in handy when communicating with your next-door neighbors; just think: you’ll have thirty new friends living beside you. Bonus points if you begin worshipping Quetzalcoatl, and mucho additional points if you can spell your new god’s name correctly.

Isn’t this a nifty story? We have a white guy from America’s ancestral homeland, who came to the U.S.A. all legal and proper. He was frank about his not-so-checkered past and wants to be an American citizen. Naturally, the government wants no part of him. We’ll have no white guys spreading Christianity around here. No sir! Diversity dictates that we disallow further Eurotrash from blighting our shores—especially if they wrap their bones in blanco devil skin and bear a cross.

On the other hand, if you’re a troglodytic sub-literate with a rap-sheet longer than Pancho Villa’s mustache, no intention of assimilating, a middle-finger salute to American ideals and a chica carrying a baby about to drop anchor, why, you’re a shoo-in! Heck, el presidente will don his sombrero, take up his castanets, dance the cucaracha, and chug tequila with you till the vacas come home. You’ll become a regular member of his familia.

Only a perverse system with nefarious priorities would turn away a man like Pastor Thomas, while embracing common criminals as saints.

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