Religion Is Peace

It seems that Bush knows less about history and comparative religious study than Madonna does Mennonite butter-churning techniques. How surprising.

Speaking with a reporter for Al Arabiyah on Friday, Bush said: "Well, first of all, I believe in an Almighty God, and I believe that all the world, whether they be Muslim, Christian, or any other religion, prays to the same God. That's what I believe. I believe that Islam is a great religion that preaches peace. And I believe people who murder the innocent to achieve political objectives aren't religious people, whether they be a Christian who does that – we had a person blow up our – blow up a federal building in Oklahoma City who professed to be a Christian, but that's not a Christian act to kill innocent people.

"And I just simply don't subscribe to the idea that murdering innocent men, women and children – particularly Muslim men, women and children in the Middle East – is an act of somebody who is a religious person."

Translation: Call me a liar, call me edumacationally constipated, but never let it be said that I'm not a shameless panderer.

It's difficult responding to comments that exhibit such willful stupidity. If he's correct, we can all rest easy in the knowledge that those who worship Astarte, Baal, Moloch, Satan, Quetzalcoatl, Allah, Ahura Mazda, Zeus, Jehovah, their next-door neighbor's trophy wife, or their brand-spankin' new Mercedes Benz all are worshiping the same god. Whew! I'm glad he cleared that up for us. Never mind the complete contradictions in worship practices, expectations, teachings, or values amongst various religions.

As for Islam, it is not now--nor has it ever been--a peaceful religion. Only someone who lacks even rudimentary, childlike knowledge of its history would draw such an absurd conclusion.Yep, when the Koran tells its readers to kill non-Muslims and apostates, and the Hadith demands that Jews be terminated, we realize this is an expression of unvarnished pacifism.

Notice, too, the implied criticism of Christianity, in mentioning McVeigh. It's all part of creedal egalitarianism, baby. That McVeigh acted in total opposition of Christian ethics, that Muhammed's "peaceniks" who kill infidels in Allah's name act in harmony with Islam's teachings and traditions, escapes him with all the ease of a deep thought eluding Paris Hilton's rattly little brain.

I also enjoy his redefinition of the word "religious," making it mean whatever he deems right and proper at a given moment. Reminds me of his pretzelizing of the word "amnesty." "I don't support amnesty for illegals--I just endorse giving them a slap on the wrist (or no punishment at all), providing them with legal status, and ignoring laws on the books addressing their presence in our country. But under no circumstances do I advocate amnesty for undocumented citizens!" Sure, and I have some nice ocean-front property on Mars I'll sell you for red-dirt cheap.

Now "religious" means: worshipers of the One God who practice their beliefs in a peaceful manner. So if you bow to a bloodthirsty deity whom you believe demands the lives of others, sorry, but you don't qualify as a religious person. Even if you believe that your god told you to kill in his name, you still don't qualify. Move along, here's a daffodil, kumbaya to you, brother!

I wonder how Osama bin Laden would respond to the notion that he's not religious? How about the Aztecs?

I hope Bush is keeping track of all his word-reinventions. His first book upon leaving office should be The World According to Dubya. No doubt it'll give Webster's Dictionary a run for its money.

Bush continued: "We are having an Iftaar dinner tonight – I say, 'we' – it's my wife and I," Bush told Nakouzi. "This is the seventh one in the seven years I've been the president. It gives me a chance to say 'Ramadan Mubarak.' The reason I do this is I want people to understand about my country. In other words, I hope this message gets out of America. I want people to understand that one of the great freedoms in America is the right for people to worship any way they see fit. If you're a Muslim, an agnostic, a Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, you're equally American."

After which he unrolled his rug, prayed toward Mecca, then beheaded Abe Foxman with one deft flick of his scimitar. When asked for a reaction afterwards, Sean Hannity said: "There is no God but Bush, and Hannity is his Prophet!"