Second Genesis

Algore's future inauguration speech:


"Earthlings. I stand before you as President of the United States of America for the second time. I was robbed of my opportunity to make the world a greener place once before, but with the Earth Goddess' aid, I have secured my rightful place in history.

Now, we must embark upon a great Crusade--not an imperialistic, genocidal rampage like that of Christians initiated in the 11th Century, but a peaceful, harmonious war against Mother Earth's demise. To that end, I propose the complete eradication of the vile, parasitic colony organism known as humanity. Remember the movie Independence Day? Remember the mile-wide saucers and death rays? Nothing short of that glorious endeavor shall accomplish our arduous task.

I have contacted members of the ruling family on my home planet of Granolar, and they agree that mankind's utter destruction is the only cure for this planet's nigh-terminal ills. A vast fleet outfitted for this purpose is traveling here, as I speak, at hyperlight speed. Only humans afflicted with fungal infestations will be spared. Before corporeal dissolution ensues, I ask that each human bacterium plant a tree or read my new book, The Revelation of St. Albert, the Divine, as a final act of atonement. Those who drive SUVs, vehicles without catalytic convertors, or voted for George W. Bush or participated in the 2000 recount, will summarily be "interrogated" before molecular deconstruction.

Never fear. Your ashes will fertilize the hills and dales, creating a continent-spanning fruited plain unlike any dreamt of in the puny imaginations of men. The Goddess will breathe a sigh of relief, and shout in exultation at the magnificent blooming in the wake of your passing.

Alas, you won't be here to appreciate it."