It's All America's Fault

Toronto Has Record Surge of Gun Violence:

A city that prides itself as one of the safest in North America is bewildered by a surge in violence that has produced a record number of shooting deaths this year, the latest a 15-year-old girl on a street filled with holiday shoppers. Canada's prime minister and Toronto's mayor blame weapons smuggled in illegally from the United States, but others point to a growing gang problem.

Whatever the cause, Canadians recoiled Tuesday after a gunbattle the previous day in Toronto left the teenage bystander lying dead and six other people wounded in a street near a popular shopping mall.

It was the 52nd death inflicted by a firearm this year in Canada's biggest city, which is nearly twice as many as last year and raised the overall homicide toll to 78 --not far below the record 88 homicides of 1991.

Martin (the Prime Minister) vowed earlier this month to ban handguns if his Liberal Party wins re-election in the Jan. 15 parliamentary elections. But ownership of such weapons is already severely restricted, and critics accused him of playing politics with the violence spree.

"The U.S. is exporting its problem of violence to the streets of Toronto," he complained.

That's the spirit, guys! Blame America First! Apparently, the whole world is afflicted with this disease. It couldn't be that your culture is morally decadent. Nah. Nor is it possible that your lax immigration and judicial systems have contributed to outbreaks of gang violence. 'Course not. The answer must be that the eeeeeeeevil Americans are at fault--either by omission, or commission. Yep, now that we know that those devils to the south are to blame, I'm sure all these problems will shimmer and vanish like a mirage.

Let's see: violence in other countries is America's fault. Check. World hunger and global warming is America's fault. Gotcha. Islamic expansion efforts are America's fault. OK. And the poor Martians who came to Earth to aid us with our population problems in War of the Worlds died horribly as a result of American meddling.

Now that we've established who is culpable, I suggest two solutions for you good folks in Toronto:

1. Tighten gun control laws. After all, if such laws are severely restrictive already--but have zero effect--the only reasonable answer is to make them more restrictive. Right?

2. Continue in the same vein of America-bashing. After all, look at the success and self-improvement it bestowed upon the people of Iran.