Awwwww, You Like Me, You Reeeely Do!!

Howdy, all. I see that I've been missed. It's a great feeling, to be sure. I know each of you probably shed a few tears (especially Bane), worried your fingernails right down to the quick, and organized candlelight vigils in my name. Though I never left my hometown of Bumpkin Holler, Tennessee, the search parties, reward signs, and plaintive comments touched my heart.

For you who stuck by my side, periodically checking out the blog for updates and leaving concerned well-wishes, I thank you all. Having friends--whether they be flesh and blood or tiny little voices living inside this great big box on my desk--is a beautiful thing. I'm a firm believer that one never can have too many.

For those who struck my name from their blogrolls, laughed at my discomfiture, and erased me from their memory banks. . .well. . .you're just a big bunch of faithless meanies. I may forgive you, in time; but don't be surprised if that unmarked Christmas present you receive through the mail is ticking.

I've been on an involuntary internet blackout for the past two months, or so. I was correct in my assumption that the modem was deader than Lenin. Yes, indeedy. Replacing it cost the lovely figure of seventy bucks--and being the humble and quite indigent fellow that I am--it took more time than I would have liked to come up with the extry money. At first, I figured I'd kick my blogging regularity down a notch, with posts coming once or twice a week. I hoped to use the pc at my wifey's place of employment, a modest-sized, local hotel. Alas, that didn't work out, what with all the Russian foreign exchange students mucking about the place. I believe this is a tiny part of their larger, insidious plan of conquest: one computer terminal at a time. As for utilizing the resources of the public liburial, I wasn't too keen on the idea. The place is a madhouse, and for some strange reason, I'm not overly fond of fighting the dope-smoking hippies and porn freaks for a chance to check my email. Ah, well. As they said during the Reign of Terror: C'est la vie.

With 20/20 hindsight, I wish I hadn't allowed two months to go by without updating everyone on my whereabouts. I hope y'all won't hold it agin me. If it ever happens again, just assume I'm dead. Put on the sack-cloth and ashes, mourn for twenty days, and move on. But if the good Lord's willin' an' the creek don't rise, I plan on being here for the long haul. I'm glad to see I'm not alone.

God bless each of you.